Monday, November 14, 2011

Propositioning Bono

Well, not intentionally...

Kym, can you smile a little bigger, so we can really see those gums?
I think I had 20 of those mini hamburgers behind me in the photo that evening. Ugh!
When U2 came to town last June, a good friend of mine, Amy, called me and asked if I wanted to meet Bono! Well, I mean, sure I did.  Who doesn't want to meet a rock star?  Plus, I NEVER pass down an invitation from Amy because... well, if you knew Amy, you wouldn't either.  She is my one friend that mingles in" high places" because she's earned it, not like this "yahoo" writing this post right now. Plus, she's super smart and the CEO of her own company and the list goes on and on. Basically, she's got it going on and I don't know where I even put it.  

Pretending that I'm totally cool.
More importantly, she is my good friend, so she is game for me to tag along mostly ALWAYS with her.

The day of the concert was actually the same day that Martin had summited to the top of the world, Mt. Everest (an important tidbit later on in the story).  Since that put Martin in Nepal still, that meant that I was going to be the third wheel to Amy and her husband, Rollin, at the concert and during the Bono meet and greet.  Not to worry.  I was single for 40 years. THIRD WHEEL is my middle name!  In fact, it suits me.  Call me "tag-a-long."

Back to Bono.  When we arrived, we were with lots of important Utah folks... and then me.  The group was ushered into a back door at the stadium. Behind the door, we had a fabulous buffet of yummy food waiting for us.  "Don't mind if I do," I said to myself.  I ate tiny hamburgers, fancy little pastries and drank some pretty great Diet Coke.  Just as I finished up, they announced that Bono would be coming in with his "handler."  The crowd grew quiet and pulled out their fancy cameras.  I mean, they're fancy people, it's a given that they have fancy cameras, right?

Bono entered the room.  My first thought, "He is itty bitty.  What? Bono is short!"  Then that shock quickly dissipated as the crowd of these dignified businessmen rushed all dignified (in a way) over to the corner where Bono was standing.  Bono was a pro at working the room.  He made jokes, shook hands, talked to individuals as if they were neighbors, and then he got to me.  "Doh!"
Granted, Mark Eaton is like 7' 4" but look at  Bono.
I had this whole line that I had practiced of what I was going to say to him. It was a VERY cool line.  However, when he got to me, he threw me an audible.  He grabbed my hand and held it while talking to someone else. Then he pulled me closer so that I knew I was next in line to be able to talk to him.  This is where I really show my true colors. I sort of tripped over my shoe at that moment and my face hit his leather jacket.  What I really mean is that my face hit his leather jacket made of softly churned buttah.  It was SO SOFT!  "So THIS is what rock stars get to have!  They get to have the softest, smoothest, most loveliest leather jackets known to man," I thought to myself.  I reached up and pet his jacket as if it were a soft little puppy.  It was that lovely.  So lovely, that I completely lost my train of thought when Bono turned to me and gave me his full attention.  

This was my moment.  MY MOMENT TO TALK TO BONO!  

The following is what I had meant to say. MEANT being the operative word here. What I meant to say to him was,  "You know, Bono, my husband isn't here tonight because he climbed to the top of Mt. Everest just today.  And when he and his buddies got to the top they sang, 'Beautiful Day' all together to celebrate their climb."  Then I would say,  "Can I get a photo with you to send to him and his mates? They'd go nuts."  I had read that his team had done this, no idea if Martin was part of it—I assumed so, but BOY was that a cool story to tell Bono, or what?

But instead, this is what I actually said to the rock star we call Bono, do-er of good, all things RED, philanthropist, freedom-maker, songwriter, coolest-man-at-that-moment and leather goods so fine that I could sleep on....

"You know, Bono, my husband isn't here tonight..." and then I froze.  Brain freeze, Rick Perry in National debate kind of brain freeze.  "The jacket! His hand is holding mine! His sunglasses are light colored lenses—those don't keep out UV light!"  I went on to think in my mushy brain, "Why is he wearing the tinted lensed glasses—it's not sunny in here? It will be dark by the time the concert starts, he doesn't need them!   Oh yeah, it's his signature. Oh my gosh, his eyes are looking straight into my pupils.  I am a good forehead taller than Bono!  I want to touch that jacket again! S-E-X-Y, sexy, sexy!"  I couldn't help myself, he was pretty sexy with that upper-class, fine-leathered jacket and all.  He must have got it in Italy right over by the Spanish Steps in Rome.  I KNOW IT! I've been there.  I've seen those people!

So, after I froze and made a complete fool of myself, he and I had a "moment" together. Eye to eye.  A moment of him probably thinking, "This woman just propositioned me in front of her peers."  He didn't know I was a tag-a-long. Or did he?  The way I just acted, he most definitely did! My gig was up!  

In the interim, I am thinking, "Finish your sentence, Kym. FINISH your sentence! What are you doing? Finish your sentence!"  I didn't know what I was suppose to say, though.  Nothing. I mean NOTHING came out of me! NOTHING of value was floating in my brain!  I FORGOT EVERYTHING! What? A thought? At that moment I thought, "That stupid jacket! Wait. How can I check the label on it?"  I realized, that there was no hope of me pulling out of this one.

Anyway, Bono had enough of the pleasantries with Kym-O.  I could tell.  I had lost my chance.  The moment was now awkward.  So, I took my obligatory rock star photo with a rock star while looking all gummy with a face that was beet red from embarrassment.  I felt like all eyes were on the girl that skirted in on the coat tails of her friend.  (Who probably will never invite me again!)  Then, at that moment,  I had realized that I had just propositioned Bono by not finishing my thought... my sentence... my ONE very cool, super sexy line!  The horror.  H.O.R.R.O.R!
See, Amy is way cooler than I am.
For all you U Dos fans.
Moral of the story.  Don't take anyone with you to meet a rock star that will inevitably embarrass you in front of YOUR peers.  The worst part, not that I would have ever have acted on the "supposed" proposition, but Bono didn't even entertain the idea.  LOSER.

*One day I'll write about all my star encounters.  All these exceptionally cool folks that I meet or see and how I react to the meeting.  Of course, the idiocy continues on my end.  I expect nothing less.

This little ditty below is for all my pumpkin, chocolate, cookie loving crowd.  Just for you!

I have had a few (okay, alot) of requests for my Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookie recipe.  It's the closest to Great Harvest Pumpkin cookies (back in the day when they were at every Great Harvast—now you have to rummage for them at various stores). Great Harvest is a pretty well-known Utah-based bread bakery.  I always just went there for the specialty cookies.   

Well, I finally broke down and made them on Saturday and ate only 1. Such WILL POWER. Then Sunday came.Ba Ba Buh Bum Bum...  I had at least 2 for breakfast, 3 for lunch and then a few more later. 

Finally, I had to shove the rest in my moms purse before she left my house. I just didn't want to say I had eaten the entire batch. Glutton! (Did I mention that Martin MAYBE had 2?  I think that's pushing it with barely eating 2 pieces of HEAVEN!.)  How do people not like pumpkin and chocolate?

Here's the recipe. Have at it! Because I'm not making anymore this season.  It's just too dangerous. Too close to the edge for me.

Makes: 20
Mix the following together:
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 egg

Mix the following together in a separate bowl:
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt

Mix the following together before adding to flour mixture:
1 teaspoon milk
1 teaspoon baking soda (dissolve with the milk)

Add to entire mixture: 
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips

1. Combine pumpkin, sugar, vegetable oil and egg.  In a separate bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, ground cinnamon, nutmeg and salt.
2. Dissolve the baking soda with the milk and stir in.  Add flour mixture to pumkin mixture and mix well.
3. Add vanilla and chocolate chips
4.  Drop by spoonful (generously) on greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for approximately 9 minutes.

Special Touch: I like to place a few of the chocolate chips on the top of each cookie before I bake them to give them a more finished look.  Enjoy!  And don't eat the whole batch!