Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I Bake

Lily enjoying her Saturday morning cartoons.
...and this photo has nothing to do with my post. 

People that know me, KNOW that I am going to eventually have to write about the perils and pleasures of chocolate cake.  This is my story. 


Martin and I went to a dinner party at a friend's house last Friday night. I was asked to bring a salad and a dessert. So I decided to try one of the delectable desserts that I am constantly pinning on to my Pinterest account.  I picked this magical, chocolatey, caramely wonder:

And this is what my version looked like:

It looks a little lopsided. 
I can assure you that it was heavenly.
This cake was one of my better creations—truthfully a chocolate masterpiece. And this isn't your mother's chocolate cake or even Ms. Crocker's out-of-the-box cake. This cake was loaded with butter, cream, caramel and lots and lots of chocolate. Two different kinds of chocolate! I stopped adding up all the calories at about 4000/cals.  I mean, anything that calls for two and a half full-sized, Lindt dark chocolate bars had better be magical to the tongue! It did not disappoint. This cake almost made me tear up because not only did it involve caramel and Lindt chocolate, but the icing was a chocolate ganache! You can get off the floor now. In fact, just writing about it is making my mouth water. I get very Pavlovian when someone says, “chocolate cake."

So here’s where the story takes a turn. At the end of the party there was a whole, HALF of the cake left! There was no way I could take half a cake home packed with that much fat and all those calories that included all that mouth-watering chocolate goodness! Knowing my lack of willpower, I quickly deduced my task at hand and promptly cut the half into two, fourths. Then I gave one plate to the host’s 8-year-old daughter and told her to go put it in their refridgerator before her mom caught on to what I was doing. I knew I could handle the rest of the cake on my own and stoically cradled it home.

Martin doesn't eat chocolate, or sweets for that matter. Needless to say, if anything sweet comes into our house and is found “missing” the next day, there is a high probability that I was the culprit.

I fretted about that uneaten cake all throughout the night. WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO WITH ALL THAT CAKE?!

The next morning, and still thinking about the cake, I tried to feed some to Lily.  Apparently she inherited her dad's taste buds because she didn't want anything to do with it, especially for breakfast. Then I thought about getting in the car and driving it down to Provo to give it to my brother-in-law who loves treats about as much as moi. But that just wasn't realistic, and truthfully, given the distance I would have eaten it before I got to him. My next plan was to try and pawn the rest of it off on a sympathetic neighbor -- but who wants the remains of a half-eaten cake?

I'm not going to lie. I had some for breakfast, and then a little more for lunch. I COULDN'T STOP! It was either I save my thighs or get rid of it AND fast!  So I did what any person in my position would have done.  I STUFFED THAT BEAUTIFUL CHOCOLATE CAKE DOWN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL!  It was probably a good 800 calories sliding down into the dark abyss of the kitchen sink. At that moment, and suffering from an obvious sugar-induced paranoia, I promised myself that I was swearing off chocolate for good. Then I thought, "Do I need to get help for this kind of thing? Do they have chocolate cake therapists?" 

It's been two days now since the incident and I realize that the idea of kicking my chocolate cake obsession is an impossibility and nonsensical given that it's in my DNA.  I have to be realistic with myself.

My one take away from this is that in the future, when someone asks me to bring a dessert; it will be something like Pineapple Upside-Down Cake or a Fruit Cake, or even grosser, Flan! And don’t even try to convince me that there is anything redeeming about Pineapple Upside-Down Cake. Waste-o-calories.


Lily update:  She is still drooling and still has spaghetti noodle legs that head East and West.

And I am still frustrated about it.


She is still pretty SUPERFLY!


::Here is the recipe from the inventor of the chocolate cake that brought me to my knees:
The Pleasure Monger – Death by Chocolate Cake

Now I will be erasing the URL to this recipe so that I never come across it again!