 |
| My third birthday. |
It was a good one, my birthday. I spent it with my sister, Chelsey, and my besty, Tonia. We had lunch and then we went and saw the new Katy Perry movie. I know, us and all the 14-year-old's that Provo could round up at 2:00 in the afternoon.
As I sit here tonight, thinking about how long I have been on this earth, I can't help but think about all the other birthdays I have had in years past. All those birthday's filled with doubt and wondering. Wondering who I'd become. Wondering if I'd ever fall in love. Wondering what kind of life I'd have. All that wondering and wasting of precious time.
If I had the chance to sit down with my younger self, I would have so much to say to her now that I am "wise" and feel like I have lived a substantially fulfilling life... I'm just getting started.
If I could sit down with a much younger version of me, here are a few things that I would tell her:
"Don't worry so much and stop being so afraid! Who cares what others think about you and just enjoy your life. Hug on your dad more and tell each of your siblings how much you love them. Be kinder to your mom. Work hard and stay focused on your dreams. Did you hear me? Work hard!
"Get the best education that you can afford. Stay educated and continue to learn. Love yourself more and appreciate the body that you have been blessed with... even if it is far from perfect.
"Always be kind. People come in and out of your life and they do matter. Laugh more. Travel more. Stay true to yourself and never compromise. NEVER! Hold your morals in high regard and don't give in when they are questioned. Put your hand in God's and have faith. He will always be there for you. Even if you forget to ask.
"Don't pretend that you know everything and always be willing to learn something new."
I would tell my younger self to be ambitious, but not enough that it impedes the progress of others. I would tell her to make friends where ever she goes and to be a good friend. To listen. To be understanding. To look for opportunities to serve.
I would tell her to love others even if they aren't willing to be loved, and remind her that life is as fun and as adventurous as she makes it. "So start making it happen!"
Then I would say, "Here is where it gets even better. When you do find love, and you will, it will have been worth all the waiting. He is pretty wonderful."
I would tell her that regardless of everything that she ever does or accomplishes, no matter how extraordinary—NOTHING compares to the moment when she gives birth to her firstborn. Nothing!
Oh, I wish that I could have stopped myself at various moments of my life and taken myself by the shoulders and said, "It will all work out, I promise! Stop with the worrying!" Wouldn't that have been grand? To have that moment when you really do know and understand that everything comes in and out of your life for a purpose?
I wish that I wouldn't have cried so much or had so much self-doubt and inability to see past the weekend. If I could have lifted that fog for just a moment and let my younger self peek through and see all the happiness that I was yet to experience. That it was going to be so exciting!
In retrospect, I guess that I am grateful for every setback and broken heart because if I hadn't experienced them, I wouldn't appreciate what I have today. Everything really does work itself out and is worth it.
So, here is to another birthday and another year of learning, being tested and loving others more than I ever thought would be possible. I am so grateful to know that I am loved, especially by my husband, daughter and by my family. I AM truly blessed.
***********************
P.S. Sunday I leave for the Bahamas. Martin has been sailing a boat from Virginia down to the Bahamas for the past two weeks. I have decided to join him and sail around some of the islands for a few days. When we return, we will get back just in time to head back to Lake Powell for a Frey family reunion.
I am excited to see him. I sure have missed him. Life would be so silent and still if he wasn't around.
