My little sailor. She is just to die for in her little middy outfit.
Lily and I paid a little visit to her neurologist on Monday. In fact, I was so anxious to see him that we showed up to the office the Monday before last, only to find out that I had put the wrong date in my phone. Ugh.
Sunday night I rehearsed in my head all these question that I was going to ask. Mainly, "Whatta ya think, Doc? Is it going to get better?" So, I went on Monday expecting to get my questions answered. Instead he said that he had nothing new. Nothing.
I always feel a little jilted every time we visit a doctor and they tell me that they still have no answers. It's been three years but somehow, in the back of my mind, I think that each visit is going to be THE visit where there is a diagnosis or at least some positive response. I need to learn to be content and feel lucky that I have Lily, but I am finding that it is still hard not knowing what her future holds or a future that I am still not willing to accept yet.
Having said all that, what I am really thinking these days is, "Boy, I sure love Lily." She is happy the minute she wakes up in the morning to the minute she goes to sleep at night. And she is finally turning into a good eater! (Very satisfying for a mother. They won't starve to death!) I was excited that when we weighed Lily at the hospital on Monday that she had gained some poundage. I have been stuffing her lately and putting all kinds of veggies and fruit in her milk--plus Carnation Instant Breakfast (Per Priamry's nutrition clinic, a great substitute for that expense Ensure stuff for kids). It's all paid off because she came in at a cool 30 pounds. Success! Yes!
Lately, all I can think about is that children are such a blessing. I would never have known the reality of this until I had one of my own--well, I mean, I always knew, but nothing beats pinching and kissing your own child's cheeks. I wish I could have 6, but right now I just have Lily. I am filled with gratitude that she has taught me the joy of being a mother. I am grateful to be experiencing such a sweet time in my life as a mother. Don't worry, I'm cherishing every single moment. I never forget how long I waited for this little girl of mine. Blessings, that's it. All I can think of these days is how blessed I really am.
