Taking the Bus and Other Confessions

Look at what a terrible mom I am.  If you look closely at the middle window of the school bus, you'll see two little eyes peeking over the windowpane and piercing daggers right through my heart.  That's Lily looking straight at me.  Who puts a three-year-old on a school bus?!  Apparently, I do.  

{Those little eyes peering out that window haunt me.}

Today was Lily's first day of riding the school bus to school.  I got up this morning and told myself, "You can do this, Kym. You can put her on that bus!"  Truthfully, I didn't know if I could.  

I don't want to come across as some overprotective mom not willing to let her child gain her own independence, but first of all, Lily can't speak up for herself.  Second, she is only three!  I am her caretaker.  I am her mother!  What was I thinking when I agreed to this?    

I told Lily over breakfast that she would be taking the school bus to school today. "School bus" is not a word in Lily's current vernacular.  She doesn't even talk!  She probably doesn't even know what that word means!  I am speaking Martian to her for all I know.  I thought again to myself, "Lily is going to think that I am sending her away! I can't do this.  I am calling and cancelling." 

Before I could chicken out, the phone rang. It was Lily's bus driver, Mr. P.  He called to tell me that he would like for Lily to be out front at the curb in 15 minutes.  I said, "Okay" in my bravest voice and looked at Lily with a guilty face.

I put Lily curbside as instructed and stood back. The idea of Lily taking the bus home from school was unfathomable to me.  So, I attached a note to Lily's backpack telling her teacher, Miss Mary, that I was going to be picking Lily up after school.  I had to pace myself with this whole bus riding rigmarole.  Morning pick up was enough for "us" today. Monday we'd try for both pick up and drop off, but not today.  

Do you know the scene from the movie "Baby Boom" where Diane Keaton's character, J.C., leaves her new baby with the (I believe) new German nanny?  Then J.C. walks away heading for work, then realizes that she could have just given her child to a kidnapper.  In complete terror, J.C. runs back to the German nanny and asks her for her social security number and for her sisters address in Germany.  Well, that is what I wanted to do with Mr. P.  It was all I could do to not jump on my computer and run a quick background check on him.  Instead, I bit my lip and just said, "Please get her there safely."  He assured me that Lily would be delivered to the school unscathed.  I watched silently as Lily was slowly lifted onto the bus.

{Look at Lily looking at me wondering why I'm not going with her.  That killed me.}

About here is where I start getting ridiculous.  Confession #1: I followed the bus through its entire route and over to the school.

Even more ridiculous.  Confession #2:  I waited in the school parking lot, donning sunglasses (on an overcast day), hoping to be incognito as I waited for the bus to pull into the school's parking lot.  Yes, I was crouched down with the sun shade pulled down. I looked totally shady.  

Then Lily's sweet teacher came outside and retrieved her. It was obvious that Lily was fine with taking the bus.  It was just me that wasn't.

Yes, that is relief in my eyes. No tears or blotchy face from her screaming in terror.  At least not from her.  

I will say, that it was a joy to pick Lil' Faith up after school.  I loved looking in my rear view mirror and seeing her strapped safely in her car seat.  We made it through the first week of preschool. Now for the weekend!

Confession #3.  I don't want Monday to come.