Red vs. Hot Pink

Roaming the halls this week at Primary Children's Hospital.  
Hot pink is Lily's color!

Before I forget, I thought that I should tell the story behind Lily's new pink hot rod.  It really is a sweet story that I should have shared sooner.  I guess, better late than never.

Mike, Lily's physical therapist, runs a foundation that provides walkers, chairs, standers, basically any kind of equipment, to children that need them at no cost to the family.  It's a wonderful foundation and Mike really is that amazing.

In the fall, it was becoming obvious to us that Lily wasn't going to be walking by January when she was set to start at her new preschool.  In order for her to participate at school, we knew she would need a wheelchair to get her around. So Mike started looking for the perfect chair for Lily.  He said that he wanted it to be "push-enabled" because Lily will someday figure it out and want to eventually push herself around the room.  I said, "Okay, I'm with you on that."  Then he said that he wanted it to be small so if she liked it, we could decide on a fancy schmancy wheel chair that would grow with her if she continued to not walk.  Again I said, "I hear you! Small is good!"   He also knew that he would be able to donate it to her.  My reply was,  "Free is good!" My only request to Mike was a bit superficial.  I said, "I'm with you on all counts, but one thing. It HAS to be pink!"  Right?  Little girls love pink! No matter how much you want to avoid the color, a little girl will demand her pink.  Even though Lily had never demanded it, I knew that if she could, she would want it to be the brightest pink available.

At the end of November, Mike found the perfect chair. The only downside was that it was red.  By the sound in my voice, Mike could tell that I was a little disappointed that it wasn't pink. I thought that pink would help soften the blow of the wheelchair (I guess for me, because Lily certainly didn't care), but I agreed to the red chair.

Mike went about getting Lily's measurements, ordering the right pads, bars, head rest, etc... to make the chair as comfortable as possible for my little princess. Even if it was red.

Finally, at the beginning of December, Mike brought the new red wonder to our house.  The problem was that I wasn't home.  I had mixed up the dates and had missed Mike and the new RED wheel chair. So he packed it back into his car with the idea of getting it to me later on in the week.

I didn't see Mike until the following week due to busy schedules.  Mike told me at our appointment that he had come over with the chair the week before but I wasn't home.  Then he broke the news to me.  He had given the wheelchair away.  WHAT?!  He said, that the same day that he came over, he got a call from another PT that asked if he had a specific chair for a little boy that she was seeing who had spina bifida.  She said that he was a special needs case because his mother had never really pursued the wheel chair route and he badly needed one.  The PT further explained that when she went to the little boys house, she saw that he was scooting around on the ground and scrapping up the bottom portion of his body. Since the little guy didn't have any feeling in that area, he didn't know that he was actually hurting himself.

I can't talk about the mother of this little boy.  I don't know the situation, so I'll try to remain neutral.  BUT... I can't imagine not looking out for the best interest of my child and never getting around to getting him to a PT or set up with a wheelchair when it was so obvious that it was needed months before!  What I do know is that the red wheel chair was never meant for Lily.  It was meant for this little boy, because it measured exactly to his frame and, of course, was the perfect color. Red.  I was grateful to Mike for listening to his gut and giving it to its rightful owner.

Great story, but that meant we were back to square one.  No wheelchair!

Well, when one door closes, another one most certainly opens. A few days later, Mike called and said, "Kym, you won't believe this, but I had remembered that a pink wheelchair was donated to the foundation about a year ago. So, I went out to the warehouse again and dug around and moved chairs all over and THERE IT WAS!  It had been there all along and it has Lily's name written all over it!"

You can tell by Lily's expression in the picture below that this chair was meant just for her.  Miracles happen. It had been waiting for Lily all along, and you know what, she loves that it's hot pink.

Lily meeting her new set of hot pink wheels for the first time.

About the Pink Elephant in the Room...

There is an elephant in the room, actually in the family room, and I can't help but "eye" it every time I walk in there.  It's big. It's teeny weeny. It's bulky. It's adorable. It's bright pink and it's about time I give it some "creds" on my blog and write about it.

Lily has a wheelchair.  Rather, Lily has a new pink wheelchair.  Obviously, I have mixed feelings about it since I've barely mentioned its existence.  Lily loves it.  For her, it's equivalent to a carnival ride.  She squeals with laughter every time I take her for a spin in it.

Before Lily got her new set of wheels, I was kind of excited.  I thought of the freedom that it would give her. That it would give me!  I was hoping that it would help her to explore. Once she got it, I thought she'd open drawers and rip right through them.  Or maybe rummage through some cabinets and pull out pots and lids and crash them to the floor.  I thought it would be the thing that would encourage more curiosity from her.

Then we got it and I was ambivalent.  I mean, we have all kinds of contraptions at our house for Lily, but none of them affected me the way this chair did.  I didn't really care if Lily explored in it.  I didn't care if she even sat in it.  I couldn't believe that it belonged to Lily!

When it arrived, I guess the reality of it set in... fast!  I sat there and looked at Lily sitting in it and wondered if I was giving into the idea that she may never walk—that this may be her way of life going forward.  I felt like I was giving up on my little girl walking when I knew that I had no intention of doing that, ever!  At that moment, I felt like I was throwing in the towel.  I felt defeated.

If you're a follower of my blog (If you are, I thank you!), I am sure you noticed my little blurb last Friday regarding Lily's wheelchair.  Then in the next sentence, I quickly sent you to Lily's spotlight on Miggy's blog.  There it was. A photo of Lily in her wheelchair.  She really was so cute with that little bun placed neatly on top of her head with just the right crocheted flower pinned in place.  I tried to make her look as precious as possible so that maybe the chair wouldn't be so noticeable. Who was I kidding?

The night before the spotlight was to post, I told Miggy that she was getting an exclusive because I had never written about the wheelchair. I just wasn't ready yet. I guess I'm ready now, since it's no longer a secret.

For a mom, well... for me, it's hard.  I think I am getting better at seeing it, but still, when I walk downstairs every morning and see the little chair with it's little wheels, I am quickly reminded that it belongs to MY little daughter. What the...?  I've kinda laid low since it's arrival because I just wasn't sure if that lump in my throat would unexpectedly explode in public and send me into a messy, watery puddle of tears. I'm much better this week.

Please don't be quick to judge me for being so self-absorbed about a silly chair.  You don't need to join me in my pity party either.  It's just a lot to take in and tough to see something that signifies so much.  You see, I  had dreams of my little girl jumping out of my car, dressed in pink from head-to-toe and running in to her ballet class.  I may never see that.  This wheelchair is a another reminder that it may not ever happen, and THAT makes me sad.

On the bright side, the wheelchair really is so cute and I love that it's pink.  I'm going to stick Hello Kitty and Muppet stickers on it to give it some flair.  Let everyone know that the kid that sits in it is the bomb.  I'm pretty resilient and I know that by next week it will be, "no big deal" but right now, it's a lot to swallow.  First, just let me get those stickers.