Thursday, October 27, 2011

I Long For Calm... I Think.

Island Park pier just outside Yellowstone.  We stayed at the home attached to this pier last weekend.  It was DIVINE!
I’m exhausted. Life at present is so unbelievably fast, so wonderful and SO selfish of my time. Truthfully, I don’t want to miss a second.  Actually, it won’t allow me to miss a millisecond.  You ask, "HOW do I know that life is currently moving at the speed of light?" Because just last week, I swear Lily was wearing a size 4 shoe. This week, she is in a hearty 6!  Life is whipping past me and I am running as fast as I can to keep up with it AND my size 6-shoed kid!

A whopping size 6!
I am in the present and being in the present means that I have lots of to-do lists, a stack of books by my bed that I am obsessed about reading, friends that I want to talk to, a house that somehow always needs cleaning, a body that could always use some exercise, a family that I want to laugh with, church that needs attending, a child that needs almost every minute of my day, bills that need to get paid, doctors that need to be visited, and a husband that I want to love on and spend time with.  I get so busy that I forget to just BE.  I mean, rarely do I find myself sitting down and finding quiet time for me and my thoughts. Well, except for this very moment as I type. I am sure most of you can relate.  And well, the rest of you, just you wait.
My nightstand that represents my life--as best as it can.
(Side Note: The little rock at the foot of my lamp is from the top of Everest. Martin brought it back to me upon his return home. It is one of my most loved possessions. A silly rock that means the world to me!) 
There was a time in my life when I got so excited about getting to that point of life where I’m at today.  And now I wonder how I even got here in the first place!  Right now, it’s more than just a whirlwind, and more like an arctic gale-force storm whipping me to and fro as I barely hold on by my fingertips.  A perfect storm.  Well, my perfect storm.  So as much as I want to complain, and as much as I want to say I’m losing myself in this climate of my so-called current life—I just can’t. I can’t!  Because this is life folks, and as hard as it is, as much as I feel like I am barely holding my head above water; I also know that it won’t last forever and one day I'll miss it ALL.   
She's a wreck!
Prior to marriage, there were ample times in my life when the focus was just on me: my career, my vacations, my needs, my wants, MY time! Ah, it was lovely.  However, I also know that I will revisit that time again in the future when it will just be about me again, my ailing hip and my gray roots. Wait. Bad analogy, I already worry about my gray roots. But right now, it’s about the moment. And this moment is busy and messy and hysterically funny. I wore socks with sandals last night! What was I thinking? Was I even thinking?!  Right now, my life is shared with the people and the things that I love the most.  It has been my choice all along to put me aside for just a little while. Because at the end of the day, at the end of it all; I am happy, I am loved and I am still Kym. So, it’s fine if I lose myself a little for the time being, because I've actually always known exactly how and where to find ME when time permits.   
Here I am. Right where I want to be.