About the Pink Elephant in the Room...

There is an elephant in the room, actually in the family room, and I can't help but "eye" it every time I walk in there.  It's big. It's teeny weeny. It's bulky. It's adorable. It's bright pink and it's about time I give it some "creds" on my blog and write about it.

Lily has a wheelchair.  Rather, Lily has a new pink wheelchair.  Obviously, I have mixed feelings about it since I've barely mentioned its existence.  Lily loves it.  For her, it's equivalent to a carnival ride.  She squeals with laughter every time I take her for a spin in it.

Before Lily got her new set of wheels, I was kind of excited.  I thought of the freedom that it would give her. That it would give me!  I was hoping that it would help her to explore. Once she got it, I thought she'd open drawers and rip right through them.  Or maybe rummage through some cabinets and pull out pots and lids and crash them to the floor.  I thought it would be the thing that would encourage more curiosity from her.

Then we got it and I was ambivalent.  I mean, we have all kinds of contraptions at our house for Lily, but none of them affected me the way this chair did.  I didn't really care if Lily explored in it.  I didn't care if she even sat in it.  I couldn't believe that it belonged to Lily!

When it arrived, I guess the reality of it set in... fast!  I sat there and looked at Lily sitting in it and wondered if I was giving into the idea that she may never walk—that this may be her way of life going forward.  I felt like I was giving up on my little girl walking when I knew that I had no intention of doing that, ever!  At that moment, I felt like I was throwing in the towel.  I felt defeated.

If you're a follower of my blog (If you are, I thank you!), I am sure you noticed my little blurb last Friday regarding Lily's wheelchair.  Then in the next sentence, I quickly sent you to Lily's spotlight on Miggy's blog.  There it was. A photo of Lily in her wheelchair.  She really was so cute with that little bun placed neatly on top of her head with just the right crocheted flower pinned in place.  I tried to make her look as precious as possible so that maybe the chair wouldn't be so noticeable. Who was I kidding?

The night before the spotlight was to post, I told Miggy that she was getting an exclusive because I had never written about the wheelchair. I just wasn't ready yet. I guess I'm ready now, since it's no longer a secret.

For a mom, well... for me, it's hard.  I think I am getting better at seeing it, but still, when I walk downstairs every morning and see the little chair with it's little wheels, I am quickly reminded that it belongs to MY little daughter. What the...?  I've kinda laid low since it's arrival because I just wasn't sure if that lump in my throat would unexpectedly explode in public and send me into a messy, watery puddle of tears. I'm much better this week.

Please don't be quick to judge me for being so self-absorbed about a silly chair.  You don't need to join me in my pity party either.  It's just a lot to take in and tough to see something that signifies so much.  You see, I  had dreams of my little girl jumping out of my car, dressed in pink from head-to-toe and running in to her ballet class.  I may never see that.  This wheelchair is a another reminder that it may not ever happen, and THAT makes me sad.

On the bright side, the wheelchair really is so cute and I love that it's pink.  I'm going to stick Hello Kitty and Muppet stickers on it to give it some flair.  Let everyone know that the kid that sits in it is the bomb.  I'm pretty resilient and I know that by next week it will be, "no big deal" but right now, it's a lot to swallow.  First, just let me get those stickers.