My Delayed Fairytale

How to Take Flight

2012-02-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

Lily patiently waiting yesterday to start her MRI

Yesterday Lily had a MRI. I had explained that she was going to have this procedure done in an earlier post a few weeks ago. Lily's genetics doctor wanted Lily to have one more MRI since her brain was now more mature. The MRI would help the doctors see if she had any abnormalities, as well as, be able to better understand why Lily is so "unique" (the doc said it, not me).

Yes, Lily is unique. By outward appearances, Lily is everything but unique. She just looks like a normal kid. However, inwardly, she is unique. Unique in the fact that we still wonder every day if this cloud will finally be lifted and that Lily will just get up and walk out the door. Some days I feel as if she is "there." She participates. She tries to make sounds. She follows my every move. She wants to play with my iPhone and look at photos. These little actions are normal; however, I am quickly reminded by the fact that Lily still doesn't sit up without assistance, she doesn't crawl, she still doesn't walk AND worst of all, she still doesn't talk. I am not going to lie. I cry. I mean, I don't cry because of her, I mourn for her and what she may not accomplish compared to that of a normal, high-functioning child her age.

As a parent of a special needs child, and with my own experience, I find myself mourning the losses that may never happen in Lily's life. I mourn the loss of maybe never watching her make her first steps. I mourn that I may never have a conversation with her and hear her funny little replies that most moms write about so easily on their blogs (I love reading them, so don't hold back). I mourn that Lily may never be the brightest and most well-read child in her class (something that I was going to make sure would happen). I mourn that she may never have the chance to be a leader at school or at church, or be able to try out for a sport, or even be a cheerleader. I mourn that she may never have a first date, or graduate from high school. I mourn that she may never fill out a college application to any school she chooses in the nation. I mourn that she may never wear a wedding dress. I mourn most of all that she may never have a family of her own. For these reasons, if caught at the right moment, tears are inevitable for me. I can't help but cry. Luckily I am mature enough to know that I am just being selfish, because I am mourning for myself, not for Lily. Yet still I mourn even though I know better—because I KNOW what is possible.

Sometimes I feel like I am only "kind of parenting" because I haven't walked through the different benchmarks that a parent of a "normal" child might engage in with their little one. Don't misunderstand me, I know that in order to be good parents, we have to give our child lot's of love and patience. Believe me, Lily gets plenty of that at home. However, I still don't know what it's like to teach my child the basics for getting by in life. For instance, Lily still doesn't know how to hold a fork and feed herself. She'll do it on occasion if I really focus in and force her hand to grasp it, but it just turns into what is already a hour long process into two. By then, we are both covered in food and filled with frustration.

I know that I am teaching Lily, but not the norm of what most parents go through with their children. You see, I don't know what it's like to potty train a child. I don't know what it's like to teach my child how to sound out different letters that will eventually form a word. I haven't taught Lily how to tie her own shoe or get herself dressed. I haven't even been able to put her in a "big girl" bed. I don't even have to bribe Lily with candy or promises of Disneyland if she performs a particular task. I am only half-parenting in a sense because what I do to parent is so different and... unique. I know, I know, my "normal" is now a new normal, but still, I want to teach my child right alongside with the rest of the parents. Right now, by circumstance, I don't relate. Again, I know that am being selfish and I FULLY recognize who is at fault here.

Getting her IV was like, "No big deal" to this
little one. This kid is tough!

So yesterday, as Lily was being wheeled off for her MRI, my mind quickly filled up with worry and anxiety. I said a little prayer asking Heavenly Father that this procedure would ease my mind. Give me answers. It was time. Then in the next breath, and something I am well-known to do, I changed my mind. "No, Heavenly Father, don't let them find anything! If they did, then that would mean I have even less of a chance of giving this child the best in me, the best in her! I want to give her normal!" I really didn't know what I wanted. Did I want answers? Did I want justification as to why Lily isn't doing what other kids her age are mastering? Or did I not want them to find anything? THAT would mean there is still HOPE! Hope that life could slope towards more normal, than not. I wasn't making sense anymore.

I paced. I walked up and down the room in the recovery room waiting for my little one to be rolled in to recover. I looked inside the recovery room's refrigerator and grabbed a Sprite. Something to keep my mind off what they were possibly finding in her little matured brain. I sat back, put my feet up and tried to read a magazine about Ralph Lauren's latest home. Rubbish. Who cares? If given the chance, I would give away that silly house just to have Lily be like any other kid. I was reading way too into what the outcome of this MRI might give Martin and me. Yet still, I didn't know if I wanted answers because that would pull us even further away from "everyday normal."

Lily's wheelchair makes for a great ottoman.
Hmmm... what's in the fridge?

Finally, after 35 minutes of pacing, Lily was brought back into recovery. I looked at the nurses and technician to see if their faces carried any signs of her prognosis. They were stone-faced. "Is that good or bad?" I said to myself. After another 20 minutes the neurologist came in to talk with me. Instead of him just saying, "Everything is normal," he parsed out each section of her brain to give me an update. He said, "She has a small cyst in her right frontal lobe. Nothing to worry about though." I felt relief. Then he said, "She has small spots on the front lobe that is abnormal for a child her age, but still nothing to worry about." I thought to myself, "Note to self: Look to see what causes these spots the minute you get home!" He went on to tell me that her brain is progressing fabulously and that her brainwaves are normal. Everything is normal, normal, normal." I could feel myself melting in the chair I was sitting in. I felt numb but I also felt relief. I realized that I was much better off hearing that everything was normal as opposed to him finding something that would cause her to be so delayed. My next thought was, "Now what? I guess you got the answer you prayed for, missy." I thanked the doctor and Lily and I skipped out of the hospital. Rather, I skipped while carrying a half drowsy three-year-old. I was happy and that was really all that mattered.

So, it's back to the drawing board. Back to me wondering if Lily will ever have a chance at being like other little kids. I'm back to wondering if I will ever get to potty train her or be able to teach her how to read. I have decided that I am going to just start treating her as "normal." I have some catching up to do. I may never be able to teach Lily how to tie her shoe. I may never be able to teach her how to sound out a vowel or how to swing in a swing. What I AM going to do is teach this child everything I know. I am going to continue reading to her. I am going to continue teaching her about Jesus. She will know the difference between "yes" and "no." I am going to teach her that she CAN do anything.

Lily may have a few setbacks. Regardless, I am going to teach this child everything I think she is able to do. This life is a test. For me. For Lily. For all of us. Lily's normal may always be different, but when I am done with her, she will be able to fly!

My week so far, according to my Instagram

2012-02-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

This week was full of more flowers, trips to Provo, spending time with good friends and old friends. Our family celebrated a friend's birthday and I am so sad that she and her family are moving away. I finished up some projects, scrapped some old projects (never enough time), and bought someone else's project (because it's the easiest way of all).

We tried out a new pup for Lily (Note: This is not Lily's new dog. "Ollie" just came over for a test run and visit. Ollie belongs to my friend, Liz. Funny thing, Liz was helping me to find the right kind of dog for Lily and instead, she ended up finding herself the right pup. Ooops! Sorry, Liz. Puppies make people cave. Ollie is a sweetheart and we hope to be as lucky as Liz! The search is still on and we will have a new furry addition to our home soon! Soon, I tell ya!

Lily and I spent our days together, doing our toenails, finishing up some deadlines, writing in my blog, playing with dad and waking up in the wee hours of the morning to get some comfort from the remains of a bad dream. We've had a great week as a family and I am so glad to be living in the midst of my terribly busy, terribly crazy, never-a-moment-to-rest, creative and love filled home that I call LIFE.

My pretty flowers in my pretty collection of vases.

Up close and just as pretty.

Lily's first meeting with Ollie. (How cute is Ollie?}

Just about the sweetest doggy ever. Look at that face!

And this folks, is why we must get Lily a dog. Almost there. Almost.

By happen chance, Lily was watching a silly show, "Melissa and Joan"...

...and her cousin, Summer, was watching the exact same show in Provo. What

are the odds? Pretty great seeing that Summer's mom and I are kin and akin

to watching the same "filler" shows while getting ready in the morning.

Lily putting her best foot forward.

Then getting those feet "fancified". (I do this constantly. How do I not polish these toes?)

Victory roses for my dear, dear friend that is now cancer-free!

I can't wait to drop them off at her door and celebrate this amazing triumph.

This was truly a miracle.

The cutest Valentines day quilt that I didn't make. Wish you could see all the detail.

Dinner at Communal with LONG but not FORGOTTEN. Friends from my BYU days.

What a night. I haven't seen some of these peeps for 17 years. Funny how things never change the minute you see them. Old jokes and innuendo's that are still just as funny as the day you said them 20 years ago. I have spent hours upon hours laughing with some of these folks. Two in particular. ;) (My camera was finicky that night. Argh!)

Wishing Ashley the best birthday EVER!

Lily after school "pretending" to do homework at my desk.

Okay, she wasn't pretending. She was just letting me see how cute

she is in those braids!

A framed poster that hangs in Lily's room. I mean EVERY.SINGLE.WORD. that it says.

Just now. She doesn't sleep? Then I don't sleep. So we blog.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Downton Abbey Blues

2012-02-20T01:11:00.000-07:00

After I gave birth to Lily, I suffered a bit from the postpartum blues. I had reason to. I mean, my daughter's diagnosis was yet to be defined. I was chubby. I was home alone with a baby without anyone to talk to. No one told me that my dream to stay at home with my newborn and sit around holding her all day would make me just feel isolated. "What!?" There were days after having had Lily that I wouldn't shower until 1 pm or brush my teeth until 2pm. Not because I was down in the dumps, but because I couldn't get to the shower or the toothbrush because I was so busy feeding my baby! THAT is what made me depressed, folks! Plus, I was sleep deprived. I was starving. I knew that I had a long road ahead of me. My closet was full of Barbie clothes that I still keep neatly color coded in my closet. I couldn't imagine that I once fit into them... loosely. Yes, all those reasons made me blue and played with my psyche. Anyone is going to want to hole themselves up in their bed if that's what they have to look forward to for the first few months of your child's life.

Still after all these reasons to feel a little bit blue-sey, I knew I would come out on top. When? Wasn't sure, but I knew that it was just a matter of time. I knew it would only get better. I knew the shell-shock with your first baby was just that. I knew it would all be a distant memory, which it all is now (except for the Barbie clothes, but I'm getting there). Now, all that's behind me. I'm fine (said with my best ho-hum-could-care-less voice.) See, I knew I would get through it, and thank goodness I did, because I am LOVING this new life called Lilyland.

Let's talk about now...NOW, I feel a loss, or rather, a void. Season 2 of Downton Abby has come to an end. (How much did you love the Christmas episode?) This is a blue, down-in-the-dumps kind of feeling that won't be easily cured until September when season 3 airs! For the love. Way too long to wait. IMPOSSIBLE! I am especially sad because the 8:00-10:00 pm hour that used to fill my Sunday nights with Downton Abbey won't ever be the same... until September 2012. How will I live without Lady Mary Grantham, my kindred spirit? Ha! Hardly. But I did love her character.

Lady Mary is far more refined than me with that British accent and her Chanel wrappings. Plus, she's addressed as "Lady". Aristocracy has long left my bloodline at least 4 generations ago. Bummer.

Anyway, I loved that Lady Mary was in the midst of everything yet was able to keep her composure and dignity (in spite of her scandal), except when it comes to Matthew Crawley. The series was good in that it didn't drag out their relationship into Season 3 before we all just grew tired of it and would have cared less. Maybe I wouldn't have so much, but still.

Then there is beautiful Lady Sybil, Mary's sister, who married the chauffeur. Scandalous! Then the other sister, Lady Edith, who was wretched at first, but for some kind of miracle grew on me a bit the last few episodes.

Did you not love Lady Grantham, played by Elizabeth McGovern aka Kristy Briggs from John Hughes' classic, "She's Having a Baby"? Don't even think for a moment that whenever she was in a scene that I didn't say, "Grouper. It's Grouper."

Lady Cora Grantham

She's Having a Baby Circa 1988

My only beef this year was with the Earl of Grantham. What was with the kisses with the maid? Sure, things like that could have happened back in that day as well, but it seemed so awkward and passionless. I may need to write Julian Fellows (who wrote the mini-series) and tell him to not put pointless indescrepancies in a plot, especially if nobody in the house walks in on them. I have a feeling there is going to be a street encounter come series 3. I hope not.

If I had lived at Downton Abbey, I think I would have been found mostly with Maggie Smith's character, the Countess of Grantham (Lord Grantham's mother). I think the saying that best suits her character is, "If you don't have something nice to say, come sit next to me." She was full of honesty and one liners and added the best kind of muffled laughter from me. I was completely entertained by her.

Now, for the next 6 months or so, it will be white noise as far as I am concerned. Sure, I'll fall in love with another Masterpiece Classic next week, but that's next week. However, I'll be thinking about the Grantham family the entire time—so I won't be completely OVER it. I need to stop capitalizing all these words. I just need to stress how I am thinking this all out in my head and it's MIND BOGGLING to have to wait 6 months! See, I did it again.

So goodbye downstairs staff. I loved you all. Please Bates, stay safe in your cell. Goodbye upstairs aristocracy, I felt like I was living among you.

I bid you all adieu until September.

* I looked at the PBS line up for the next few months and a lot of the series will have me front and center—they look to be divine and my kind of entertainment. The fog is lifting. I can feel it already.

Our week according to my Instagram.

2012-02-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

This week was full of errands, dates, visiting with friends and going to the temple. We also went bowling with relatives in a swanky bowling alley near Park City (love that family). I did some spring cleaning in the middle of winter, and added some greenery at the kitchen window to make it all pretty.

Things are back to normal now that Martin is home and we are enjoying our little family on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

A Target run and a trip to Jiffy Lube where Lily was given a flower.

A fun date with Martin to Abravenal Hall to see Mo Rocca and Wait, Wait... Don't Tell Me.

Lily with her princess hair and reading up on the latest trends.

Vegetarian Lasagne (no cheese!) was a hit at home, while Martin was a ringer at the alley.

My pretty plants at the sink that add a touch of warmth to an already warm home.

Teacher's Pet

2012-02-18T13:29:00.000-07:00

I just found this in Lily's backpack. The simplest things make me cry. I am so glad that they love having her.

Valentines Day with Clementine

2012-02-17T08:58:00.000-07:00

I thought that this year, V-day was going to be a quiet day with just Lily and me. Sad. Pathetic. I know. Martin was in Mexico climbing some mountains there, so I figured this year was shot. He wasn't scheduled to come home until Thursday so I knew I was flying solo during the most romantic day of the year.

Instead, it turned out being pretty fabulous. First, around 11:00 am, I got a text from my bestie, "Wanna go to lunch?" It was Tonia (Creator of Clementine, the blog and Clementine, the cutest baby girl!). Upon receiving Tonia's text, of course, I wrote back in my most desperate voice, "Yes. Where? When? I NEED to see you!" From that moment, I knew this day could only get better. So, my Valentine was Tonia by proxy since Martin was out of town. Being the friend that she is, she knew that and knew I was alone. Like good/best friends go, she seized the opportunity to have lunch with me; or rather, I seized her. I don't think I had opened my mouth yet that day; so I was more than ready for a good conversation.

Tonia + Nate = True Love

Next to my three sisters, Tonia is one of my dearest friends. I will always love Tonia because she was in the trenches with me for years. We were both single for way too long, BUT boy did we make the most of being single ladies. We dated men. Then we'd break up with boys. We'd cry and we'd coach each other to move on until another lucky fellow came onto the scene—does saying "fellow" make me sound 72? Because I pretty much am. More than that, Tonia was my Friday night date if I knew nothing was on the itinerary. We went to all sorts of movies, watched lots of medical shows on TV because we liked to scream at the TV. Then we loved to banter off the medical terms in the midst of a conversation with strangers. We traveled together, went to lunch together and went shopping together. We were kind of inseparable during that particular era in our lives.

We'll always have Paris.
What is with my shirt? I am so confused.

Tonia worked in marketing with me and her office was on the same floor and across two halls from mine. On a good day, I could hear her laughing and would run over to see what all the commotion was about. Sometimes, after a particularly grueling day of deadlines, we'd go home, put on our sweats and just sit and eat chips and salsa. Tonia was always my go-to, and still is. I am lucky to have this lady in my life. Everyone is in love with her and she has tons of friends that clamor to her, because everyone wants Tonia in their life. Tonia's blog is way more popular than mine, and her writing is some of the most creative in the blog world. Plus, she has probably the best deadpan humor ever known and is working on eliminating expletives from her vocabulary. (wink.) (Tonia also wrote a little ode to me back in the day before I was married, which you can read, here. It just proves that we are, in fact, friends. I think you get the picture).

Now that you are better acquainted with Tonia, you can see why she is the next best thing to a husband on Valentines day.

Tonia and I went out to lunch at a really, super cool, hip, strip mall where Tonia introduced me to the best Indian food restaurant that only she would find. Strip mall? Anyway, the food was good. We did the buffet but never went back for seconds because we were too involved in our conversation to get back up—although now I am regretting it because I am craving some more Tikka Masala and naan. Over lunch we talked about our latest workouts. Tonia is working with a personal trainer and her arms were so tired, she could barely bring fork to mouth. Of course, I talked about my latest workout DVD's that I purchased during a late night TV marathon because my husband wasn't home. (Currently I am doing the Tracy Anderson DVD. Ladies, it's super hard. Just warning ya.) We also talked about my latest DIY project which I stole from the internet. I am great at duplicating something but hardly worthy of saying I am creative. I feel that imitation really is the highest form of flattery. If I succeed at this one, I'll show it off on my blog and, of course, take all the credit.

Tonia + Clementine = Mama Bear Love

I love my lunches with Tonia because when we get to talking, I start lining up in my head all the topics that I want to discuss with her. Sometimes I can't get my mental checklist of subjects discussed because we just talk way too much. At times we are just laughing. Other moments our subjects are serious, which are always beneficial when "talking it out" with Tonia. Of course, now we are too mature to talk about subjects like The Bachelor and how mean Courtney is to Ben (I saw one episode and quickly surmised that she is not a nice girl. Then stopped watching it). We don't talk about the boys we are dating anymore, because we are both married. Hooray! We don't talk about what is happening at work, because now we are both stay-at-home moms. Nope, we talk about more important things like: the show, Teen Mom, working out, Whitney Houston, Bobbie Kristina, chia seeds and other silly or serious subjects. If we aren't talking, we are texting funny little notes or commentary to each other throughout the day. We can't get enough of each other.

During lunch I felt like I was missing something because Tonia had Clementine with her who is just about the cutest, most smiley, cuddly, 6-month-old, ever! That's when I realized, "I'm a mom who now has a child that is in school!" My afternoons are free from wiping noses, fixing lunch, playing with toys and reading books. Well, at least until 2 pm. Then that all starts up, but until then, I'm a free woman. I have to say, a 3-hour break is good for any mom, and I like it!

While Tonia and I were gabbing away, I got a mysterious phone call from a number I didn't know. I decided to do my usual, "Who is this calling me? I'll let it go to voice mail and then decide later to call back." Instead, I just answered it. Good thing, it was Martin! He called to tell me that he was on a plane headed for home two days earlier than expected. Apparently all the expeditions got snowed out on one of the climbs. The group stayed on the mountain for a few days to wait out the storm, then after 2 long days, they decided to pack it in and leave. I was sad for him but more for me (because that means he'll go back again to complete it. Boo!) However, I was elated that my man was coming home for Valentines day!

It was too soon to say my goodbyes to Tonia and race home to catch the bus dropping off Lily. I made it 5 minutes before Lily arrived. Whew! Then it was off to Whole Foods to get some special food for a Valentine dinner since I knew Martin would be tired and want to take a long shower. I knew that going out to dinner would be out of the question. So, I did what any loving wife who is crazy about her husband would do, I bought the Whole Foods pizza, got some fancy bubbly lemonade and the makings for a salad. I was going BIG TIME here. For Martin, I knew he'd love it just the same. He's very accommodating.

I was at the airport promptly at 7:00 pm and whisked him away from that smelly old airport and headed for home. We had a wonderful time catching up with one another and talking about his trip. It was so nice to have my actual Valentine home on Valentines day. It really couldn't have gotten any better. First, Tonia and then my sweetheart, Martin.

So, Valentines this year didn't include one chocolate but it was decadent in it's own way. And, once again, I like it that way!

***********

Thursday night wrap up, Martin came home with flowers and we went and saw, "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" which is a NPR radio production. I love Mo Rocca. He is one of the guests on the show PLUS he is also a commentator on another one of my favorite shows, Sunday Morning. I really am 72, aren't I?

Check out my pretty flowers.

*All photos of Tonia were stolen from her blog or FB account. I can do that you know. Because I know that she'd do it right back.

A Perfect Symphony

2012-02-16T01:40:00.000-07:00

My sister, Chelsey, and brother-in-law, Dale, handed out a wonderful, framed quote at Christmas for each of their families to keep in their respective homes. Chelsey and Dale found it in an old book in Dale's father's book collection. They loved the message so they passed the quote on to us as a gift. Now, I'd like to pass it on to you.

These are wonderful, wise words to live by even though they were written over 150 years ago. Yet they are still modern and the message is just as wise. They are what help me to remember that I am capable of being better.
It is titled, My Symphony and it reads:

TO LIVE content with small means;
to seek elegance rather than luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable,
and wealthy, not rich;
to listen to stars and birds, babes
and sages with open heart;
to study hard; to think quietly,
act frankly, talk gently,
await occasions, hurry never;
in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious,
grow up through the common—
this is my symphony.

—William Henry Channing

I really try not to use other's words or quotes when I am posting (except for the scriptures)mainly because there are plenty of other folks posting quotes; we get enough of that. However, these words were too profound not to share. So, I hope you don't mind one more quote. I do love to collect them, this one is a keeper. It was just too lovely.

If I ever forget the thoughts in this quote, luckily I have Lily here to remind me about living a life in perfect harmony. She is my perfect symphony. Lily and I make wonderful music together as we sing, play and learn from each other every day.

Lily on her way to school on Tuesday dressed and ready for Valentines day.

Happy Valentines Day

2012-02-14T00:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a lover of this holiday. Maybe because I didn't have someone to call my very own for such a long time. Now I have two "someones" and I love that more than any rose, piece of chocolate or kiss. Although I wouldn't mind the kiss. I love Martin and our little Lil' to the moon!

XOXO

My Valentine Teaser

2012-02-13T13:12:00.001-07:00

Photo shoots with Lily these days are not so simple. It first starts out with me begging Lily to smile. Then it turns into me begging her to just look at the camera. Then, in the midst of me begging, the room temperature suddenly seems to increase by 10 degrees and I end up with beads of sweat all around my hairline. About that point I am whooping and hollering for my little Diva to just grin and look at the camera. It makes for a great workout but not a precious moment for mother and child.

So today, I got Lily ready for school and decided to try a few shots, just for fun. She just looked too cute in the little quilted paint smock (which had better not get ruined with paint!). I told myself, "Don't get all worked up this time. Take a few shots and keep your dignity." So, I twirled Lily in her chair about 4 times so she was good and dizzy and HAPPY, then I snapped a few photos of my littlest Valentine. They turned out cute and pink. Although she looks a little bit woozy from all the twirls. Oh well, cute is cute.

PS. I miss Whitney...

Two Movies, One Story and Some Hair Bows

2012-02-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

Recently, I saw two movies. Not at once. They were the kind of movies that you have to tell your friends to go see. Since you are my friends, I am telling you to see these movies if you want to be moved and inspired to live a better life and create an even better story for yourself.

The first movie was, "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close." Now mind you, most of you have probably already read the book or have seen the movie. However, I had to chime in on a movie that I was not expecting to impact me in the least, but instead changed me for the better. It changed me in how I want to create my life going forward. Let's hope it takes.

I knew entering the theater that it was going to be a two-tissue ending, but what got me, was that I was well into my box of tissues midway through the movie. The story showed the love between a shy, socially awkward, incredibly talented little boy and his father, who dies on 9/11 in one of the twin towers. I loved the memories that were played back in this boys mind about his very loving father and how the father was able to continue to influence and teach his son, even after his untimely death.

Then there is the love of an emotionally distant mother (because of her dealing with the loss in her own way) and everything that she does in the face of grief to find her son once again and to literally save him from a life of despair over the death of his father. The mother (Sandra Bullock) is able to create a new beginning for the two of them because of her great acts of selflessness in the midst of her grieving. I won't go into detail because if you have any sense of humanity, you will adore this movie and the lessons on love, in all it's forms, and how it is gifted to this one small, awkward, fabulous, quirky young boy. I would love to have had him as my son. The movie chokes me up just writing about it.

After coming home from the movie and reeling from it's impact on me, I asked Martin, "Have I made my mark on the world yet?" Again, I said, "Will my life make a difference in the world once I have left?" "Have I lived enough with the happenchance that I could 'go' tomorrow?" More questions arose, "Do I know everyone's story?" You know, the people I know. Or the people I pass in the grocery store or the mothers that I nod at in the park when playing with Lily. Do I know my neighbors stories? Everyone has a story and have I asked them about it yet? I need to be a better friend, a better neighbor, a better sister and a better daughter. I need to be the best wife, because my husband is the best husband to me. I need to work on a few things.

While brushing my teeth that night, and still thinking about the movie, I stopped and looked into the mirror and thought, "Does anyone know MY story?" In some ways, yes. This blog is helping me to slowly unfold it. Especially about my life with my little piece of sunshine, Lily. However, my story began long before she came into the picture (although she really is the best part). Then and there, I made a resolution to talk about my story more. I think it is pretty interesting and I want to continue to add life experiences and adventures to make it even more of a good read. Warning: Sometimes though, it is just plain boring—if it wasn't, I'd be exhausted anyway. So, while I write AND live my stories, I would always welcome yours.

Whoa. I wrote a bit more than I had planned on for the first movie. However, I still want to tell you about the second movie that I watched last night. So read on, you'll want to see this one. I think.

Martin was out of town last night climbing a mountain. So, I was home alone with Lily (which I cherish every so often). I had all these chores planned to do without my husband wanting me to just spend time with him. He is hugely influential as to why I don't do a daily post. He always wants me to spend time with him talking, reading, hiking... something. I guess I make for pretty good company.

Anyway, since I was alone, I thought, "Well, Martin is doing what he loves to do, so I want to do something creative." I have all these half hobbies. Things that I am okay at but would be fabulous at them if I just sat down and honed in on the skill. I don't, so they are splinter skills that I can do on occasion if prompted.

I had been seeing all these cute little flannel hair bows all over the internet, so I decided I was going to learn how to make them myself. Well, that meant that I had to either have some music on or watch something inspiring and entertaining while not actually looking at the TV (since I'd be looking down making bows and all...).

I had heard of the movie called, The Way but only because I knew it was a movie about the pilgrimage to El Camino de Santiago in Spain. I served an 18-month mission, 21 years ago in Spain representing my church (I'm LDS, Mormon) and had heard of the pilgrimage then and thought it would be fun to do one day. It's basically a 500 mile walk starting in the Pyrenean foothills all the way to the to the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela in Galicia in northwestern Spain. Tradition has it that the remains of the apostle, James, are buried there.

Did I give you enough of a background about the pilgrimage? Sorry. The movie, The Way was on Pay-Per-View so I seized the time to watch it (and charge it without Martin protesting). So I watched, the movie while I made bows for my baby girl.

The movie is about a father (Martin Sheen) and his son, Daniel (played by Sheen's actual son, Emilio Estevez), who don't see eye-to-eye on what the son is doing with his life. The movie starts out by the father taking Daniel to the airport and asking him where he was going this time and when will he return. Daniel simply answers, "I don't know when I'll return." The father is angry by the way his son lives his life and in return he defends the comfortable life that he has chosen instead of the wanderlust of his son. Daniel's only response is, "You don't choose a life dad, you LIVE one." Which is the basis to the rest of the story.

The next scene, the father is on a golf course and receives a call from a policeman in France telling him that Daniel has been killed. The father flies to France to retrieve his son's body. Only upon seeing Daniel's body and learning of the pilgrimage that he was about to embark on, does the father decide to make the pilgrimage in Daniel's honor. He decides that he will spread Daniel's ashes along the "route" all the way to the Cathedral of Santiago in Galicia.

During the father's journey, he meets up with three other characters—all are experiencing their own life journey along the path to the Cathedral of Santiago. Each individual's story eventually unfolds throughout the course of the movie and you learn the reason as to why they feel the need to take this pilgrimage. The ending is lovely with the father finally being able to see, know and understand Daniel while also realizing that he needs to start LIVING his life. And he does.

I loved the whole movie. I loved that it was slow. I loved how the father felt his son's presence throughout the pilgrimage, bringing him closer than he has ever been--even when his son was alive. I loved the other characters and their reasons as for why they took the long walk. I loved the end where each one realizes that they were no longer strangers on a lonely path in Spain. I loved the idea of living our lives and always knowing that we can choose to not be alone.

I couldn't go to sleep for an hour after the movie because I was thinking of what an adventure it would be to walk the El Camino de Santiago. So, I started mapping out a plan for Martin and I to do it in the next year or so (He has a few big item adventures that need to get put behind us first). My goal would be to do it while Lily is still little and we are still able to carry her in a backpack. I think it would be a fun adventure for the three of us. This movie really helped prompt me to get excited about more adventures, which I have been kind of lazy about doing as of late. You know with Lily and all, I get tunnel vision. So, since I still couldn't sleep, I continued my adventure list and wrote down everything I want to do and experience in my lifetime. I would love to complete the whole list, but even if I get in a few check marks on my list, I'll be satisfied.

My own personal pilgrimage. Well, kind of.
Last year, Martin climbed Mt. Everest--which is the tallest mountain in the world standing at 29,028ft. I climbed with Martin to Everest base camp at 17,500 ft. My journey with Martin was 11 days. It was the most wonderful 11 days in my adult life, aside from giving birth to Lily. Martin and I laughed, told stories to one another, stole away in the dark of the Himalayas with our hot lemon tea and talked about our goals and what we want each other to accomplish in the years to follow. The challenge of this trek was HARD and I shed a few tears because of the rough terrain and harsh weather, but when I got to the top, the view was breathtaking. Our journey together was a priceless memory that we will remember for the rest of our lives. Money could not have purchased the strength it gave to us as a couple and the friendship that it rekindled.

So I say to the readers of my blog, find a way, if you are able and make a journey happen for you. If any of you ever have the chance to do a journey with the ones you love, I challenge you to do it. It doesn't have to be an arduous 11-day trek. It can be 2 days, just do something where nothing can distract you. Preferably a place where the internet is intermittent and the conversations go into the wee hours of the morning. I loved Martin more than I thought I could after this journey together. When I turned to leave base camp and head towards home to Lily, I knew I was also leaving Martin (who stayed another 40 days to accomplish his climb). Our parting was so hard, because I loved him so much and was so fearful of the unknown. Would he come back? A dismal thought, but it was possible. It was heartwrenching to leave him, even though deep down I knew that he'd be okay. In fact, if you want a good sniffle, you can read about our parting here on Martin's Climbing Blog: Post: Lobuche or Bust!

So, what I am saying is, get out and create your own adventures. Go on the kind of adventure where you come back more in love with your spouse, family AND yourself. It's possible, you know?

If nothing else, and if I haven't bored you enough already—go to the movies!

Bonus: Here is my first attempt with bows while watching my movie last night. Not too shabby. Next time they will be much fancier, but I'm good for now.

Our Little Reminder

2012-02-08T23:51:00.001-07:00

Last week, I took Lily to see Dr. V. He is a genetics doctor at Primary Children's Hospital and last treated Lily when she was nine-days-old. When we arrived at his office, Dr. V said that he remembered Lily as an infant. He said that he remembered her mainly because he was so baffled by her. She had every reason to breathe on her own, yet she wouldn't. Dr. V said that he remembered reviewing all the tests that she underwent during her hospital stay. He said that he couldn't understand why everything about her seemed so normal, but she wasn't acting normal. Dr. V has stayed in close contact with Lily's neurologist and only recently requested that we pay a visit to his office so that he could see how she was progressing and if we could find out any answers regarding her condition.

Honestly, even after a thorough exam and a discussion about mine and Martin's family (to see if anything could have been passed on to Lily genetically), Dr. V still did not have any answers. In spite of not determining a diagnosis, we were still able to talk about all of my hunches in my own research. He was very patient with me as I discussed different syndromes and symptoms.

When I finished talking, Dr. V went through his book of different syndromes with me, and we discussed each one of my hunches in length. At one point in our search, he pulled up a picture of a particular syndrome where the characteristics showed patients with perfectly arched eyebrows and distinct almond-shaped eyes. I didn't see any comparison but Dr. V held the book up and said, "Are her eyebrows and eyes hereditary, or do you think she resembles this syndrome?" Then he turned to me and, with a slight grin, said, "Or is it that she is simply beautiful?" I think he did all this "searching for syndromes" just to appease me and to help me to see that Lily doesn't fall into any one syndrome. She is unique. I guess I really didn't need anyone to tell me that.

In the end, Dr. V felt concerned enough about Lily (and still baffled) that he ordered another MRI. He wanted to review a few more things that a more matured brain might show us now that may not have shown up the last two times we did an MRI on Lily when she was much younger.

Our discussion eventually wound down, and I thanked Dr. V for taking such a long period of time out of his day for us. Then I gathered my things to leave. As I was about to push Lily out the door, Dr. V stopped me and said the most tender thing. He said, "I'm sorry that I don't have any answers for you today, but what I can tell you is that she is a wonderful reminder of what heaven must be like. She is such a sweet child." Being the proud mother that I am, I teared up a bit, nodded in agreement and pushed my little reminder of heaven and her wheelchair out of his office.

Since that visit, Dr. V's comment has filled my mind these past few days. He was right. We may never have an answer (which is hard for me) but one thing that is certain, Lily is heavenly—she is a little angel.

My faith teaches of a probationary life, meaning this life. Our mortal life on earth. This is where we come to receive a body and to learn how to follow God's plan so that we, and our families, can return to live with Him. It really is that simple. It is this life - and how we live it - that makes all the difference for the next. For Martin and I, we have an advantage because Lily reminds us daily of what is most important because she is what is most important to us and we want to have her forever.

Because of Lily, Martin and I are reminded to pray because we always want to pray for her well-being. Lily reminds us daily to be kind to others because we want others to always be kind to her. Lily reminds us to be patient because she needs others to be patient with her. Lily reminds us about what love really means. The Savior taught in the scriptures that we should "love one another." Loving others is one way to feel His presence in our daily lives. Because of Lily, Martin and I are reminded of the unconditional love that the Savior has for us because that is the kind of love that we have for Lily.

As human beings we are imperfect, but we can be made perfect through Christ and His sacrifice. Christ is my example. Lily is my daily reminder. Because of Lily, I pray more often, I have more compassion for those who are suffering, and I have more love for others in spite of our differences. I really mean that. A glance at Lily is all I need to be reminded that life is pretty wonderful.

Dr. V couldn't have been more right in telling me what he was really thinking about Lily that day. I am so grateful that he shared his thoughts with me. He is right. Although there may never be a diagnosis for my little girl, she really is the closest thing that I have to see what heaven is like. And the view is spectacular!

What a Week Looks Like

2012-02-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

According to my iPhone...

We made two trips to Primary Children's Hospital. How cute is this little lady?

Lily went to school and returned SAFELY on the bus. Whew!

It included a trip to various craft stores in search of Valentine decor.

A new diet. What's new? Also, reason #22 why I shouldn't talk on the phone and put groceries away.

A trip with Tonia to shop for Valentine wreaths. Of course, I can never resist posing with overly large objects.

We ended up fashioning our own. Our finished projects.

Martin and I went to a Jazz game with Amy and Rollin to celebrate this cute teenager's sweet 16.

Of course, when in large crowds, I can't help but people watch. My favorite was this lady and her bedazzled, short dress and plunging neckline on the first row. Clearly a Lakers fan. I love people watching!

Here's to a new, fabulous week! Enjoy!

Red vs. Hot Pink

2012-02-02T03:00:00.000-07:00

Roaming the halls this week at Primary Children's Hospital.
Hot pink is Lily's color!

Before I forget, I thought that I should tell the story behind Lily's new pink hot rod. It really is a sweet story that I should have shared sooner. I guess, better late than never.

Mike, Lily's physical therapist, runs a foundation that provides walkers, chairs, standers, basically any kind of equipment, to children that need them at no cost to the family. It's a wonderful foundation and Mike really is that amazing.

In the fall, it was becoming obvious to us that Lily wasn't going to be walking by January when she was set to start at her new preschool. In order for her to participate at school, we knew she would need a wheelchair to get her around. So Mike started looking for the perfect chair for Lily. He said that he wanted it to be "push-enabled" because Lily will someday figure it out and want to eventually push herself around the room. I said, "Okay, I'm with you on that." Then he said that he wanted it to be small so if she liked it, we could decide on a fancy schmancy wheel chair that would grow with her if she continued to not walk. Again I said, "I hear you! Small is good!" He also knew that he would be able to donate it to her. My reply was, "Free is good!" My only request to Mike was a bit superficial. I said, "I'm with you on all counts, but one thing. It HAS to be pink!" Right? Little girls love pink! No matter how much you want to avoid the color, a little girl will demand her pink. Even though Lily had never demanded it, I knew that if she could, she would want it to be the brightest pink available.

At the end of November, Mike found the perfect chair. The only downside was that it was red. By the sound in my voice, Mike could tell that I was a little disappointed that it wasn't pink. I thought that pink would help soften the blow of the wheelchair (I guess for me, because Lily certainly didn't care), but I agreed to the red chair.

Mike went about getting Lily's measurements, ordering the right pads, bars, head rest, etc... to make the chair as comfortable as possible for my little princess. Even if it was red.

Finally, at the beginning of December, Mike brought the new red wonder to our house. The problem was that I wasn't home. I had mixed up the dates and had missed Mike and the new RED wheel chair. So he packed it back into his car with the idea of getting it to me later on in the week.

I didn't see Mike until the following week due to busy schedules. Mike told me at our appointment that he had come over with the chair the week before but I wasn't home. Then he broke the news to me. He had given the wheelchair away. WHAT?! He said, that the same day that he came over, he got a call from another PT that asked if he had a specific chair for a little boy that she was seeing who had spina bifida. She said that he was a special needs case because his mother had never really pursued the wheel chair route and he badly needed one. The PT further explained that when she went to the little boys house, she saw that he was scooting around on the ground and scrapping up the bottom portion of his body. Since the little guy didn't have any feeling in that area, he didn't know that he was actually hurting himself.

I can't talk about the mother of this little boy. I don't know the situation, so I'll try to remain neutral. BUT... I can't imagine not looking out for the best interest of my child and never getting around to getting him to a PT or set up with a wheelchair when it was so obvious that it was needed months before! What I do know is that the red wheel chair was never meant for Lily. It was meant for this little boy, because it measured exactly to his frame and, of course, was the perfect color. Red. I was grateful to Mike for listening to his gut and giving it to its rightful owner.

Great story, but that meant we were back to square one. No wheelchair!

Well, when one door closes, another one most certainly opens. A few days later, Mike called and said, "Kym, you won't believe this, but I had remembered that a pink wheelchair was donated to the foundation about a year ago. So, I went out to the warehouse again and dug around and moved chairs all over and THERE IT WAS! It had been there all along and it has Lily's name written all over it!"

You can tell by Lily's expression in the picture below that this chair was meant just for her. Miracles happen. It had been waiting for Lily all along, and you know what, she loves that it's hot pink.

Lily meeting her new set of hot pink wheels for the first time.

Our Valentine

2012-02-01T13:10:00.002-07:00

I'm so glad that these two kids could eventually grow up, find one another, get married and have such a wonderful little girl to call their own.

How We Spend Our Days

2012-01-29T23:46:00.000-07:00

This past week has been full of babies and sisters.

Baby Summer was a hit! I mean HUGE! The day Summer was born, 12 other babies were born in the same hospital. One day, I counted 36 babies in total on Summer's floor. It was baby bedlam. I loved standing at the nursery window and seeing all these tiny babies fresh from heaven. As I stood there, I wondered about each of these tiny lives and how they would play out over their lifetime. I hoped each one of them would be loved, know how to give love and some day find a love of their own. I prayed each one would be happy. Especially as happy as our new baby Summer is going to be. Because, she is going to be LOVED!

It was such a joy to see my sister, Chelsey, with her new little best friend, but it was even better seeing Summer with her daddy. I think "proud" doesn't justify the love of this doting dad. If you are a fan of Summer's parents, then you know how lucky she is to be blessed with the parents she got. Days are not dull in that household.

Also, it was a great week because my sister, Courtney, came to Utah via Texas to be here for Summer's birth. Martin went out of town for a few days, so I went down and stayed at my moms in Provo while Courtney was visiting. Courtney and I acted as if we had never left home while staying with our mom. We stayed up late talking into the wee hours of the night. Then in the morning, she'd come into my room, wake me up, push me over to one side of my bed, get in and we would start talking all over again. Sisters are the best. I really don't know what or who I'd be if I didn't have my sweet sisters in my life. I am lucky enough to have three.

***********

Here are some photos of our long lazy days that were filled with hospitals, preschool (oh my!), sisters, chocolate covered almonds, Costco runs, visiting with friends and more. Okay, they weren't so lazy.

She insists on doing this every time we shop.

I need to kick this habit.

Colors.

Fun surprises when cleaning out Lily's backpack.
I hope she did LOTS of dancing!

Mother and child.

How Martin spent his Saturday.

Lily with Nana. Lily is about to loose her cool
if she deosn't get some food... and FAST!

Sweet baby girl comes home.

Saturday morning breakfast with Nana.

She's a looky-loo, rubbernecker, eavesdropper and all around
nosey hooligan the minute she spots an iPhone.

Lily, meet Summer.

Your new best friend. For reals!

Work party at the Frey home.

Visiting Lily's class at church. Always a joy.

Mom and me time.

Taking the Bus and Other Confessions

2012-01-26T23:31:00.000-07:00

Look at what a terrible mom I am. If you look closely at the middle window of the school bus, you'll see two little eyes peeking over the windowpane and piercing daggers right through my heart. That's Lily looking straight at me. Who puts a three-year-old on a school bus?! Apparently, I do.

{Those little eyes peering out that window haunt me.}

Today was Lily's first day of riding the school bus to school. I got up this morning and told myself, "You can do this, Kym. You can put her on that bus!" Truthfully, I didn't know if I could.

I don't want to come across as some overprotective mom not willing to let her child gain her own independence, but first of all, Lily can't speak up for herself. Second, she is only three! I am her caretaker. I am her mother! What was I thinking when I agreed to this?

I told Lily over breakfast that she would be taking the school bus to school today. "School bus" is not a word in Lily's current vernacular. She doesn't even talk! She probably doesn't even know what that word means! I am speaking Martian to her for all I know. I thought again to myself, "Lily is going to think that I am sending her away! I can't do this. I am calling and cancelling."

Before I could chicken out, the phone rang. It was Lily's bus driver, Mr. P. He called to tell me that he would like for Lily to be out front at the curb in 15 minutes. I said, "Okay" in my bravest voice and looked at Lily with a guilty face.

I put Lily curbside as instructed and stood back. The idea of Lily taking the bus home from school was unfathomable to me. So, I attached a note to Lily's backpack telling her teacher, Miss Mary, that I was going to be picking Lily up after school. I had to pace myself with this whole bus riding rigmarole. Morning pick up was enough for "us" today. Monday we'd try for both pick up and drop off, but not today.

Do you know the scene from the movie "Baby Boom" where Diane Keaton's character, J.C., leaves her new baby with the (I believe) new German nanny? Then J.C. walks away heading for work, then realizes that she could have just given her child to a kidnapper. In complete terror, J.C. runs back to the German nanny and asks her for her social security number and for her sisters address in Germany. Well, that is what I wanted to do with Mr. P. It was all I could do to not jump on my computer and run a quick background check on him. Instead, I bit my lip and just said, "Please get her there safely." He assured me that Lily would be delivered to the school unscathed. I watched silently as Lily was slowly lifted onto the bus.

{Look at Lily looking at me wondering why I'm not going with her. That killed me.}

About here is where I start getting ridiculous. Confession #1: I followed the bus through its entire route and over to the school.

Even more ridiculous. Confession #2: I waited in the school parking lot, donning sunglasses (on an overcast day), hoping to be incognito as I waited for the bus to pull into the school's parking lot. Yes, I was crouched down with the sun shade pulled down. I looked totally shady.

Then Lily's sweet teacher came outside and retrieved her. It was obvious that Lily was fine with taking the bus. It was just me that wasn't.

Yes, that is relief in my eyes. No tears or blotchy face from her screaming in terror. At least not from her.

I will say, that it was a joy to pick Lil' Faith up after school. I loved looking in my rear view mirror and seeing her strapped safely in her car seat. We made it through the first week of preschool. Now for the weekend!

Confession #3. I don't want Monday to come.

Firsts

2012-01-25T20:50:00.002-07:00

Today my baby sister, Chelsey, had a baby. Her first. A baby girl. The delivery was a bit rough for these baby girls. Sadly, I didn't get to the hospital in time to see little "Summer" be born in the middle of winter. However, I did get there in time to see Chelsey hold her firstborn for the very first time. My eyes welled up with tears as I stoically tried to hide my emotions. It was such a tender moment. It was the first of so many more tender moments.

I remember holding Chelsey for the very first time 28 years ago. It was so long ago. Yet it still seems like yesterday. I loved her. I love her.

I can't believe that this baby:

{Me and my sweet baby sister, Chelsey}

Just had this baby:

{Beautiful baby, Summer}

Congratulations to Chelsey and Dale. May Summer be the first of many more beautiful babies.

Time Well Spent.

2012-01-23T21:23:00.002-07:00

Life in the Frey home has been anything but slow. Want to see what we've been up to?

Here's our life according to Instagram.

Laundry

Cycle Camp

A visit to Lily's rehab doctor.

Happiness before Botox.

Waking up after her Botox. Not sure what just happened.

Really, I go here for the chocolate covered almonds.

Shopping with mom. Always a delight to see this cutie in my cart.

Trying to be healthy

Again... TRYING!! (That's tofu, mom.)

Not buying into the whole "green smoothie" revolution.

If every night could be spent this way.

The after movie reception. I hung out by the food table all night. What's new?

A wintery Saturday spent in doors. Brrrr!

Too much birthday excitement can wear a kid out.

Time to celebrate someone's birthday. A night out with mom and dad.

Could have done without the egg, but the rest was yum-O!

Sunday Best while showing off her planking skills.

First day of school. She was beside herself with glee.

First Day Jitters

2012-01-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

Today was Lily's first day of preschool. I was so nervous just thinking about sending my three-year-old off into the world. Well, at least for a couple of hours. Lily? She seemed perfectly content watching me walk away while cuddling up to her new teacher, Miss Mary. I guess it's time to let someone else fall in love with my little brown-eyed girl. Miss Mary is so lucky.

Three and Holding.

2012-01-21T18:47:00.002-07:00

Three years ago today marked the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life.

I became a mother to this little girl.

The story only gets better now that she's in it.

She was so worth the wait.

Voyeur

2012-01-18T17:45:00.000-07:00

{Me and my spooky eye.}

It's only Wednesday and I am alreadylooking forward to Friday. For the last three days, I don't think that Ihave had more than 10 minutes to myself. I definitely haven’t had the time to be able to sit down at my computerand write something whimsical, or even better, something with substance.

I blog for fun. Not for pageviews. However, I also feel a certain obligation topost something every so often to let readers know that I am alive, happy and that Lily isstill as cute as ever. Atleast that is my intent.

Although lately I feel like all I have been doingis running to the next responsibility, activity or therapy with little or no time to blog. In fact, I am sure that I haven’t had onecomplete thought. I am inrobot mode. How can I write somethingwith soul if I am too busy being robotic? Looks like I may need to reboot. So, I’ll unplug while Lily is taking her muchneeded nap and find some time to pull myself together and just think.

My thoughts turn to all you moms out there. All of you that have been doing this “mom”thing for years—way before I ever came onto the scene. My heart is full as I type.

Since having Lily, I now look at mothers with a different set of eyes. I look at them in awe. I stare at them in wonder while I am at the store, at church, at thehospital, at the gym, at school, or just driving around with their cars packedfull of kids. All these moms that havebeen doing this mothering stuff for years. Yet, I am now only able to understand them since becoming onemyself. I look at them and I am humbled.

Being a mom is so joyful and rewarding forme, but it isn’t always easy. I’d liketo think that I write plainly about this topic. The last thing Iwould want anyone to think is that I got this “mom” thing figured out. I don’t. I take mental notes every time I watch all of you mothers out there handling a situation with your child,looking for a teaching moment or just carrying on with your daily responsibilities. It all looks so exhausting and yet you do itwith ease.

So, this post is for mothers. To all of you moms that have gobs of kids who pullyou in all sorts of different directions. Or to you working moms that have to work all day and then come home tochildren that want and need your attention—I know you must be tired. You are doing an amazing job! To you moms that hold a special place in myheart; mothers that are caring for a disabled child with unceasing love. I am walking your journey, albeit a few stepsbehind you. I am taking notes as I follow.

I am grateful to my own mom who dedicatedher life to her seven children, while managing on a tight budget and withoutall the luxuries that I have today that lighten my load. She is an incredible mother, example ANDteacher.

I am grateful for my mother-in-law who raised a wonderful boy and turned him into wonderful man. She taught him to be adventurous, smart, caring, and thoughtful. More importantly, she taught him how to be a loving and wise husband and father. For this, I will always be grateful.

Lastly, to all you soon-to-be moms orwanting-to-be moms that are working hard and taking notes to be the best person you can be now. When the time comes, you will bewonderful mothers to children that were chosen just for you. Wait patiently,because it will be magical!

To all you moms out there, I am humbled byall that you do to care for your children with such love, compassion andpatience. Yes, I am talking to you. You mothers who are managing your day-to-dayactivities while feeding, clothing, praying, giving, making moments memorable, teachingand loving your children.

You are my examples. I am watching. I have always been watching. I see you. I learn from you and I am amazed.

Monday Came Too Soon!

2012-01-16T17:27:00.002-07:00

Last night, I had a great idea for my Monday morning blog post, but it was foiled when I got way too into watching Downton Abbey and my latest mind sucker, Friday Night Lights. Note: I only watch Friday Night Lights on my Netflix account, on occasion, via my cell phone wearing earphones. That way, I don't have to hear the groans coming from Martin about why I am wasting my time with this show.

Truth is, I don't know "why" because:A. It is no longer on TV. B. It isn't funny.C. The characters don't have British accents, nor do they wear time period appropriate clothing.The last two have long been my standards for TV viewing.

So, instead, I will show you some cute pictures that I had on my cell phone of my sweet little sidekick.

Hope you've had a good Monday. Here's to Tuesday being even better!

The Faith of a Child

2012-01-13T06:49:00.001-07:00

There has been a lot of talk around these parts about wheelchairs and Lily walking.

This past week, lots and lots of personal prayers have been said in

Lily's behalf by me, Martin, and our whole extended family.

In fact, our entire family, even her teenage cousins,

participated in a special fast this past Sunday

for Lily to progress in all areas.

Did I mention that...

Lily has cousins? Lots of cousins!

Lexi, twin sister to Leah, sent me a picture that she drew,

demonstrating her faith in Lily.

How can I doubt it now?

Oh, to have the faith of a child.

Wait! In this case, I most certainly do! I have to!

Love you Lexi!

About the Pink Elephant in the Room...

2012-01-11T22:06:00.000-07:00

There is an elephant in the room, actually in the family room, and I can't help but "eye" it every time I walk in there. It's big. It's teeny weeny. It's bulky. It's adorable. It's bright pink and it's about time I give it some "creds" on my blog and write about it.

Lily has a wheelchair. Rather, Lily has a new pink wheelchair. Obviously, I have mixed feelings about it since I've barely mentioned its existence. Lily loves it. For her, it's equivalent to a carnival ride. She squeals with laughter every time I take her for a spin in it.

Before Lily got her new set of wheels, I was kind of excited. I thought of the freedom that it would give her. That it would give me! I was hoping that it would help her to explore. Once she got it, I thought she'd open drawers and rip right through them. Or maybe rummage through some cabinets and pull out pots and lids and crash them to the floor. I thought it would be the thing that would encourage more curiosity from her.

Then we got it and I was ambivalent. I mean, we have all kinds of contraptions at our house for Lily, but none of them affected me the way this chair did. I didn't really care if Lily explored in it. I didn't care if she even sat in it. I couldn't believe that it belonged to Lily!

When it arrived, I guess the reality of it set in... fast! I sat there and looked at Lily sitting in it and wondered if I was giving into the idea that she may never walk—that this may be her way of life going forward. I felt like I was giving up on my little girl walking when I knew that I had no intention of doing that, ever! At that moment, I felt like I was throwing in the towel. I felt defeated.

If you're a follower of my blog (If you are, I thank you!), I am sure you noticed my little blurb last Friday regarding Lily's wheelchair. Then in the next sentence, I quickly sent you to Lily's spotlight on Miggy's blog. There it was. A photo of Lily in her wheelchair. She really was so cute with that little bun placed neatly on top of her head with just the right crocheted flower pinned in place. I tried to make her look as precious as possible so that maybe the chair wouldn't be so noticeable. Who was I kidding?

The night before the spotlight was to post, I told Miggy that she was getting an exclusive because I had never written about the wheelchair. I just wasn't ready yet. I guess I'm ready now, since it's no longer a secret.

For a mom, well... for me, it's hard. I think I am getting better at seeing it, but still, when I walk downstairs every morning and see the little chair with it's little wheels, I am quickly reminded that it belongs to MY little daughter. What the...? I've kinda laid low since it's arrival because I just wasn't sure if that lump in my throat would unexpectedly explode in public and send me into a messy, watery puddle of tears. I'm much better this week.

Please don't be quick to judge me for being so self-absorbed about a silly chair. You don't need to join me in my pity party either. It's just a lot to take in and tough to see something that signifies so much. You see, I had dreams of my little girl jumping out of my car, dressed in pink from head-to-toe and running in to her ballet class. I may never see that. This wheelchair is a another reminder that it may not ever happen, and THAT makes me sad.

On the bright side, the wheelchair really is so cute and I love that it's pink. I'm going to stick Hello Kitty and Muppet stickers on it to give it some flair. Let everyone know that the kid that sits in it is the bomb. I'm pretty resilient and I know that by next week it will be, "no big deal" but right now, it's a lot to swallow. First, just let me get those stickers.

Weekend Snapshots.

2012-01-09T12:15:00.001-07:00

**************

She'd much rather smile for the camera than practice her mad skillzz.

Cue Lights.

2012-01-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

{Isn't she to die for? We sure love this little beauty.}

Today, Lily is being spotlighted on one of my favorite blogs called, This Little Miggy Stayed Home. "Miggy" does a "Special Needs Spotlight" each Friday on a special needs child and their family.

I discovered Miggy's blog about a year ago and it REALLY helped me when I read about how she is dealing with her daughter, Lamp's disability. Now, I just love reading her blog because she's pretty hip.

In the spotlight, Miggy does a Q&A with me and asks all kinds of great questions about Lily and me (Yikes!). You'll love her blog, not only because you'll get to know her and her family (especially her little cuties, Lamp and Princess Sparkle Pants), but you'll also get to see all the fun projects Miggy is up to during the week. Girl's got talent!

One last thing, when you check out the Spotlight on Lily, you'll see that she has a new set of HOT PINK WHEELS!

Click here to read Lily's spotlight!

A New Year. A New Day. A New Me... Again.

2012-01-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

With all this "New Year" talk, today has had me thinking. Actually this past weekend has had me really thinking about what I want to do and who I want to become during this new year. I know that new goals needn’t align with a new year, but it does help to start the new year off with a clean slate. So, I am starting today. Just me and my clean slate.

Don't misunderstand me though, I am pretty happy with the "me" today, but deep down I know there is a better version. So, I have some changing to do. There are old habits that have grown to be quite cozy in my life and need to be kicked to the curb to make room for who I want to become. Who I know I can be. I want to be a better person. I think I am a pretty good mom and wife, but if I am going for "quasi-perfection" in 2012, I'll throw that one in as well. I just want to be better.

I want to get organized. I want to read more. I want to pray more. I want to show more gratitude. I want to be more aware of the blessings that are given to me by a loving Heavenly Father.

I want to be more thoughtful, less sarcastic (please let that be possible), and I want to be more selfless and less selfish. I want to be a more loving daughter, a better sister and a more involved friend. I want to hold my temper and be more patient. Patient with others, but even more patient with myself.

I want to slow down and not just smell the roses, but breathe in my daughter, my husband, and the beautiful fragrance of life… MORE!

I want to take the time to listen to others and, at times, to just listen and enjoy the silence.

I want to learn something new. I have a few things on that list. I need to get started!

I want to exercise more and probably eat a little less. I want to master this body and make it stronger than it already is so that I can live for years and years and always be "around" to take care of Lily.

I want to be more like Christ. I want to lose myself, so that I can find myself. I want to serve. Serve my family, my friends and even better, I want to serve strangers. It’s possible, you know? I just need to be willing to look for it.

Maybe instead of me saying “I want,” I should replace it with, “I will." To make sure it all happens.

I could go on and on with this list of self-improvement and self-refinement. I still have so much to work on, so much to master.

Today I will start to make a difference in my life, and maybe, sooner rather than later, I can make a difference in another’s life. First though, I will start with myself because it is sometimes the hardest place to start. I can do it. With God, all things are possible.

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Happy New Year to you all. May your days be brighter. May they be full of unconditional love. May you make the changes you need, so you can be the happiest you’ve ever been. I’m on your side.

2012. This is our year!

It's Friday Already?

2011-12-30T23:33:00.000-07:00

Martin is up in the mountains tonight taking advantage of this unusually mild temperature. He couldn't resist his urge to climb since the weather has been pretty mild and warm here in Utah. Truthfully, he needed to get out and breathe some fresh air and I wasn't in the mood to pack up Lily and head for the hills—so he went with one of his buddies who loves the mountains about as much as him.

Since he was gone, that meant… I had an ENITRE evening to myself! What to do first?!

It’s always funny when I find myself alone. I want to do so many projects, watch movies, read my books, read blogs, write AND usually I want to do them all at the same time. Since I am writing this post, it’s obvious which one won out, but it was a tough battle to the end. In fact, I have a movie on in the background and a new book that I just got in the mail today, titled, “The Influencing Machine” by Brooke Galdstone right in front of me just screaming to be read. The book is actually more like a comic book than an actual “book” book; which works perfectly for me since I respond well to picture books as of late. I’ll write more about my crush on Brooke Gladstone’s writing and commentary as well as my opinion of the book in a post, later. However, since I am still torn as to how I want to spend this precious time this evening, I'll type fast so I can move on to my next project.

I guess I should back up a little. Before the book, movie and computer smack down this evening, I also went to dinner with one of my dearest friends, Lesa, who was one of my roommates in college. Lesa is one of those friends where we can pick up where we left off from the last time we were with each other. The years in between don't matter. Don’t you love those kinds of friends? They’re actually the only ones I keep. Lesa is a keeper.

I have a lot of memories with Lesa. In fact, I went to my first foreign film with her at “The Tower” theater in downtown Salt Lake City when we were about 19-years-old. Now, each time she and I get together, we usually like to go to something artsy and mostly foreign and then gab about it and other foreign flicks we’ve seen for hours afterward.

One Summer, between our sophomore and junior year in college, Lesa and I lived in Greenwich, CT with our good friend, Melissa. We were all lifeguards on the weekends, substitute teachers during the week and waitresses in the evening. It was an unforgettable summer. We road our bikes everywhere, had huge crushes on preppy East coast boys and I think we even worked for the mob at one point (At a restaurant where I am sure money was being laundered nightly.)

One day, when I am good and ready, I think I should write a book based on that summer. It was truly a sentinel “coming of age” period in my life. The kind where you finally figure out that you are becoming an adult and have to make adult decisions and think about your adult future when, in fact, you're still just a kid and have no idea what being an adult means. I probably should get started on this book since it happened almost 23 years ago and while my mind is still intact, or at least while it’s still functional. I mean, it won’t be anywhere close to a John Irving novel, and my characters are a lot more innocent, but it still is a great story to tell about our experiences and the people we met over that summer.

I should have taken a photo of the two of us together tonight. Lesa hasn't changed a drop, just add five kids in tow. She doesn't even have a wrinkle. I have a ton of photos of us when we were young and childless, but it’s late, and really, do you want to look at the evolution of my eyebrows through the years?

Ahhh... Here are two photos of us when we graduated from BYU almost 20 years ago. Hopefully we look the same minus our choice in earrings.

I love being her friend.

'Tis My Season

2011-12-29T01:17:00.000-07:00

Last week as I was running from store to store, purchasing lastminute gifts for Christmas, I couldn’t help but get caught up in all the fabulousChristmas décor that was being sold. I kept thinking, “I need toget this for the house. It would be so beautiful and really make Christmasspecial.” Then I would put the item backdown and say to myself, “I’ll wait until next week when everything goes onsale. I’ll buy it then and it will be practically free!”

Now, it’s “next week” and I haven’t stepped foot in any of those stores.Nor do I plan to for a good month. I’m kinda shopped out or at least a littlecrowd shy. Truth is, the thought of having to lug Lily in and out of a car seatand stroller, then deal with the large crowds while trying to navigate astroller through these crowds exhausts me just thinking about it. I say to myself, “I can’t.” Then in the nextbreath I’ll say, “Oh, but there are so many good deals that I am missing outon, I need to get to the mall!” Then I will mentally slap myself in the face and say, “Get a hold of yourself, Kym. You DO NOT want to drag Lily through that mallfor that stupid silvery, shiny ever-so-wonderful wreath that you saw at thatcute store! It’s not worth it!”

I’m okay for awhile until I start thinking about everyone else out thereshopping and purchasing MY silvery, shiny wreath only because they have morefreedom than I do at the moment. I envythem! I envy their freedom in beingable to just “pick up and go” without anything or anyone holding them back. I REALLY envy that type of freedom right now.

These are the moments in my life when I long for the days of my carefree independence. The time in my life when I could just leaveat a moment’s notice and not have to tell anyone what time to expect me home,let alone worry about getting dinner on the table. I realize that this season in my life haspassed and I am now on to a different season. A season where I have to worry about a toddler. I not only have to worry about her everyday needs but I also have to worry about her special needs. Likewise, I need to makesure that my husband gets at least one hot meal on the table during the week. This is the season when I have to step back alittle and put others needs right in line with mine. Or dare I say, in front ofmine?

Seasons. I have heard that word alot lately. “'Tis the Season.” “Season’sGreetings.” “This Christmas Season.” “The Happiest Season of All!” I have read it in Christmas cards, onbillboards next to the freeway and heard it sung in songs on the radio.

I am also reminded and anticipate the changing of the seasons throughout the year. The beautiful Fall leaves, the cold Winter, the flowers of Spring and the heat of the Summer. Then there are the seasons in eachof our lives where we experience a significant shift. Sometimes the changes are obvious and others come more gradual.

In the scriptures it reads, “Toevery thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven… atime to weep, and a time to laugh; …and a time to dance…” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-7)

Everything and everybody falls into a season in this life. Mine just happens to be the season ofmotherhood. Which means me having to give a little now in order toget a huge return later. At least that’s how I look at it.

There was a particular season in my life, not long ago, when I was firstsqueezing into being comfortable with the idea of being a first-time mom. It was a wonderful time. I was just gettingto know my new little girl, loving her new baby smell, examining her tiny baby handsand kissing on her adorable little feet. However, itwas also a time when I didn’t feel so confident about being a mother and wasunsure if I had even made the right decision in becoming one in the first place. This motherhood “business” was hard!

There were moments in the first year of Lily's life that I still couldn’t believe that after a season of beingsingle and having a fabulous job and working with amazing people—that I gaveit all up to have her and her rosebud lips move into our home and also my heart.

In truth, I CHOSE to be home with Lily, but at the moment that tidbitof information seemed unimportant. I just wanted to feel sorry for myselffor "giving it all up" for this tiny little person that needed me around the clock.

One night around 4:00 am when Lily was about 4-weeks-old, I was feeling particularly sorry for myself. I was up with Lily and hearda noise outside her bedroom window. I partedthe curtains and moved open the blinds and looked out only to see the snow plowdriver coming up our street, moving the snow to the side of the road after aparticularly heavy snowfall that night. At that moment, I thought to myself, “The only people that are up rightnow are me, Lily and the snow plow driver! EVERYONE else is sleeping away in their warm beds.” Then I began to cry. There was no one to call at that time in themorning and I didn’t want to wake Martin because I knew he had to go to work inthe morning and needed his rest. So Ijust sat there and cried in the dark.

As I continued to watch the snow plow disappear from my sight, I thoughtabout how everything, EVERYONE was moving and progressing while I was justsitting there, caring for this little baby... and disappearing. All of my friends were in a different seasonsin their lives and seemed to still be in motion. They were accepting promotions at work, traveling tobeautiful parts of the world, preparing for their children’s graduations fromhigh school, improving their talents, finishing degrees and making plans forsomething exciting—while I was just sitting there holding a bottle to the mouth of mytiny little girl.

At that moment, as I sat in the darkness of Lily's nursery, I felt as if I didn’t matter anymore and Iwas going to be forgotten by everyone. I was feeling myself slowly disappearing from everyone’s sight, andworse, from my own sight. Of course, I canlook back now, and realize that I WAS BEING RIDICULOUS but at that moment, Ifelt worthless.

Luckily, the morning came and with it came perspective. The thought of me not having Lily or Martin in my life seemed incomprehensible. What hadI been thinking earlier? Being sleep deprived didn't help and probably contributed to me not realizing in the wee hours of the morning that what I was doing was the most important thing in theworld. I wascaring for the life of another. It wasthe first selfless act I had done in years!

I should have recognized it all sooner. I hadbeen blessed with the two most important things that I had prayed to have for years—A wonderfulhusband and a sweet, beautiful child! It's amazing how quickly I can forget sometimes. The one blessing I longed for was quickly forgotten in a moment of self-deprecation.

Today, I’m in a different season of my life. To be honest, this season is tiring. It seems that when I get the house all cleanand tidy, I wake the next morning to more laundry, more sweeping, more dishes inthe sink and more diapers that need to be changed. On top of those duties, I amat doctor’s appointments, working with physical therapists and driving to meetwith a speech therapist. It can feellike a thankless job, but luckily I have a grateful husband that reminds meoften of how wonderful I really am.

This is also a season where I have responsibilities at church that keepme busy. I have even taken an advanced degree class on Russian history and became quite the Russophile duringthat semester. I am writing more,reading more, trying to take care of myself more and cultivating myrelationships with my girl friends more. I appreciate my husband more, my homemore, and my wonderful, darling daughter more. I am also appreciating my strong body, my mind and my sense of humoreven more.

Oh, I am far from satisfied, but I am getting there. Some days are better than others, butall-in-all, I am a happy lady. I amappreciating this season in my life because I feel visible, accountable and important to my little tribe. It’s adifferent kind of important than when I was single and making importantdecisions at work, but this is where I want to be. I MADE the decision to bedoing what I am doing in this season of my life.

Yeah, I’d love to be at the mall or in that tiny, cute Christmasboutique taking advantage of 75% off on everything sale. I still envy those people that can takeadvantage of their “get up and go” carefree life. I’m human, and being human means I have faults. Mine at this particular time is envy, but it’s notcatastrophic or life ending. It's just plain ol' envy of something I can't do so easily at this time in my life.

In the end, in the grand scheme of things, I know there will always be ayear-end sale or another good deal. However, there may never be a season in this short time on earth whereanother person depends on me as much as Lily does. This is also a seasonwhere I know that I am loved AND cherished by my husband and daughter. It is a time that I feel more alive, more present AND more needed than ever before.

So, in spite of this time in my life that includes lots of haste, exhaustion, responsibility andselflessness; I also feel more satisfied and content. This is the season where I will, “weep (a little), laugh (a lot) and dance (like never before).” Because this is MY season.

*Photo above by Melissa Schoenhardt of Moxie Photography. Provo, Utah.

The Frey Family Christmas Card—2011

2011-12-24T01:42:00.002-07:00

We wish you a very merry Christmas from our family to yours.

{front}

{back}

May your Christmas day include lot's of family, wonderful conversations, and a perfect gift just for you. May it also include lot's of carb-loaded food, some Christmas family traditions and armfuls of children close by to hug on and love! Oh, and a nap somewhere in the mix!

I am so thankful for family. Not only do I get to spend Christmas with Martin and Lily, but I also get to spend this special day with my sweet Mom and two of my three sisters, my brother and their families. My mom is going to have a house load. (yay!)

My family will also be thinking of my dad and our two brothers, Dwyane and Cody, who are no longer with us, but we know they will be close by. We sure miss them and know that we will see them again one day because of the atoning sacrifice of our Savior whose birth is celebrated this Christmas day.

Merry Christmas to all my dear friends.

Merry Christmas to my family and extended family.

I hope your Christmas brings you lot's of laughter and love. But mostly love.

P.S. Tonight, read about the birth of Christ in Luke 2 with your families. It is a great way to welcome Christmas day.

One Step At A Time

2011-12-18T18:29:00.003-07:00

The lady likes to lounge.

I have come to realize that the month of December is just plain busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. I honestly don't know when I have had a chance to sit during the day. When I go to sleep at night, I sleep hard. Which is great for me because normally I am a night owl and treasure my time alone. These past few weeks, when Martin heads off to bed, I can't wait to join him in the land of Nod. Zzzzzzzz. I get excited just thinking about my pillow.

In the midst of all the Christmas "hustle and bustle" Lily and I have paid a visit to her speech therapist, physical therapist and to her rehab Doctor (I always giggle when I say I am taking Lily to "rehab").

This may not be "new" news, but while we were at the rehabilitation clinic at Primary Children's Hospital on Friday, Lil's doc asked, "Does Lily have a pet? Like a dog?" Martin had joined us on the visit and was playing with Lily and not completely listening to the question posed by Dr. G. I was SOOO hoping he hadn't heard what Dr. G had just said. I quickly tried to do one of these, "uh, well, uh..." I lost all train of thought and noticed that Martin was back in the conversation when Dr. G asked again, "...you know, like a small dog? Something that will roll around with her. Play with her when you aren't able. Something that will keep her constantly stimulated. We highly recommend that she have one." Martin smiled a big grin and said, "A dog?! Wait. Lily needs a dog!" It was like manna falling from the sky straight into his ears since this has long been a discussion even before Lily was born.

Don't get me wrong, I love animals. I grew up on a real farm where we had all kinds of animals. We even had a Lama named Burt Reynolds. We had dogs for as long as I can remember. The problem is, when you have animals, you have to train them. Then you have to feed them. Then when they get sick, you sometimes have to take them to the doctor. Worse, don't even think about leaving town unless you have a game plan. You have to have a doggy sitter. Martin and I like to pick up and go. At least with Lily, we can pack her and take her with us. Does that mean we would have to pack up the family pet as well? This, along with the whole potty training, feeding, barking, yelping and chewing have been concerns for me. It is why I haven't been able to be completely convinced about man's best friend being MY best friend.

However, when Dr. G. posed the question, I was tongue-tied. How can I NOT get a dog for Lily that would be her companion while also helping her to be stimulated without my immediate assitance?
HOW CAN I SAY NO? I couldn't. So, Martin and I are apparently "in the market." We have had a lot of help in recommendations and we are so grateful because both of us aren't all that savvy to dogs that work well with children. Especially with a child that will tug on it's ears a little more than it will have bargained for.

Actually, I'm kind of excited but even more excited for Lily. So our search continues, our jury is deliberating, and I am sure that Santa or Baby New Year will be dropping off a little present for Lily come the next little while. Maybe not (See, I'm still not completely convinced). However, I will be happy if it makes Lily happy.

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Lily is still a bit wobbly on her walker.
Okay, she's a lot wobbly but she is getting the hang of it.

Did you know that I witnessed a miracle this week? This really should have been a post all itself, but as I mentioned, "hustle and bustle" got the better of me. However, in the midst of a busy week, I got to witness a real live miracle.

Lily hates, I mean HATES to stand on her own and will only do so if she is anchored onto someone. When she is in my presence, she outright protests (She knows I'm a sucker) and won't think about standing, even with my assistance.

Mike, Lily's physical therapist, came over for a weekly visit two weeks ago. With him was a walker. I laughed when I opened the door and saw him holding this little miniature walker. I said, "Is that what I think it is? Mike, she is no where close to using a walker." (That was the natural man talking. The one that doesn't often witness miracles.) Mike told me that an old patient had given it back to him that day and Mike felt like it needed to go to our home fully knowing that Lily is no where close to walking. I mean, not even close. Still he brought it. The first week, we just got her in it and used to the contraption. We put her hands around it. We let her sit in it and look around and really, that was about it.

This week, Mike had her standing in it and pushed her around the house in it—which she found to be most entertaining. Even with all the pushing around, she still hated it. When it came time to stand and shuffle her feet she hemmed and hawed about disliking all the work that is needed for this vertical world, but not enough to buckle her knees and say, "forget about it." Instead, she kept trying as long as Mike was right there with her and coaxing her along. It was precious.

Then the miracle came when I least expected it. My little girl stood up and held herself for about 8 seconds. I was floored. I didn't even know if she got the whole concept of it, but for a moment, she did and I was elated. ELATED!

So proud of herself. Lily is standing on her own. Miracle #2,022. I wouldn't believe it unless I saw it for myself. Folks, this is the real deal!

I attached a little clip of Lily and the first few moments of her trying out her new wheels. I hope it makes you smile as much as it made me while watching her shuffle across the kitchen floor. Such a cutie.

This Week Was A Doozy

2011-12-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

This past week has been a crazy one due to all the Christmas cheer I have been asked to help spread or at least "show up" to and participate. For me? No problemo.

I type this post right now still suffering from my sugar induced coma that was brought on from the night before. Last night I went on a sugar bender. You see, when offered a cupcake, I simply can't say, "no." Being in the full throes of trying to eat less and finally loose the last of this baby weight (I know, my baby is almost three, but better late than never!). Anyway, knowing I am trying to watch the calories, I decided to only eat the top of the cupcake. Pretty tricky, heh? Well, then Lily had to have a cupcake. So I HAD to have a second topper from her cupcake (I don't want her eating all that sugar!). Don't ask me about logic, cupcakes seem to defy all logic in my presence. Anyway, enough about CUPCAKES, the point is, I am still sick from all that sugar from last night, so please be advised of possible typos or misspellings since my mind is not completely back to it's full capacity.

Just for kicks, wanna hear what I've been up to this past week? Let's see, I had two doctor's appointments for Lily, then throw in a PT appointment for her, where she was introduced to her new little walker. So far all she likes to do with it is sit on the seat provided, but it's a start. Next, we went to a "fitting" for Lily, and "no" if you think she is going for a stint on America's Next Top Model, you'd be incorrect. She had a fitting for something else, but I'll leave you hanging on that one for just a few days.

Lily is also starting preschool at the first of the year. It's a special preschool for developmentally challenged children. I am sooooo excited for Lily because she is going to love all the attention that she is going to get from her teachers, in-house PT specialist and Speech Therapists. Anyway, we went to her school for testing and to meet with her new teacher, Miss Mary. Upon their meeting one another, Miss Mary didn't hesitate to pick Lily up and hug and kiss on her and then hug on her the remainder of our meeting. It was truly a match made in heaven. Lily loved Miss Mary right back and I didn't get jealous even a little bit. I was so happy to see the trust already being established. I see good things happening in Lily's future.

Now back to my crazy but festive week. We went to 3 Christmas parties this week and 2 the week before last, making that 5 in total. One party we had a chef prepare Labanese food for us. Honestly, I couldn't stop, the food was so good. Then we did the usual white elephant gift party that left us laughing hysterically at the gifts people were receiving. Martin and I ended up with pretty tame gifts. Ones that I may be able to recycle at another white elephant party that we are going to next week.

Saturday was our busiest day by far. Wait! Sunday was! I'm not sure which one, but I do know that I didn't sit down for more than a few minutes on Saturday. In the morning we went to a Christmas breakfast where we ate Cinnamon rolls, yogurt parfaits and egg caseroles (which were surprisingly good!).

I Make a MEAN Cinnamon Roll with Cream Cheese Frosting!

Our little group of Primary children re-enacted the Nativity. My friend, Ashley, brought her brand new 2-month-old baby boy and had her two twins, "Mary" and "Joseph" hold him as all the Primary kids re-enacted Luke 2 from the Bible. I don't know what it was, but every time I'd look at our mini-Mary and Joseph holding the babe along with our mini-kings, mini-angels, mini-star and mini-shepherds, I would well up with tears. Partly from the sacredness of that moment in history and the significance of Christ's birth or maybe just because I long to have another baby. I think too much.

Saturday night we went to, "A night in Bethlehem" party where we had to dress in full regalia and eat food that would have been eaten at the time of Christ's birth. It was fun, and again, I left the party having eaten too much tabbouleh, naan, couscous and figs. Yum!

Our little shepherd.

Last night (Sunday) I was on the committee for the Creche (Nativity) exhibit at our Church. It was amazing to see all the different Nativity scenes that people had from all over the world. My favorite is one woman there who had about 20 Nativity scenes in her collection and is also known for her sense of humor. I would ask her, "Where did you get this one?" Her reply, "QVC" and then I would say, "And this?" Her reply was, "At the pharmacy in Holladay." And the banter would continue with her telling me all the funny places she had collected her Nativities and not a one of them being from another country.

There was one woman who had at least 75 Nativities there and all of them told a story of a trip that she had taken to a particular part of the world where she purchased them. It was overwhelming, because I have all of three. Do I need to continue collecting? Where would I store them? Where would I put them? As the night came to a close, I stopped worrying about my non-collection of Nativities and quickly helped to clean up, drive like mad to get home and then crawl straight into bed while Martin rubbed my back as I feel asleep.

All in all, I LOVE this Christmas season. I love all the reminders of why we really celebrate Christmas and the importance of remembering Christ, His birth, His life and His sacrifice for us. And we did celebrate and do ALWAYS remember Him.

Christmas is also a time to gather around family and be reminded of the blessing of family in our lives. Without mine, I would be dull and lifeless. Without mine, I would be a Scrooge or a Grinch. Without my family, I wouldn't know the kind of happiness that I feel every time I look and see my husband playing with our daughter as she laughs and loves on him. I am blessed.

I hope everyone is having an equally wonderful and busy holiday as well. I am exhausted but after a good 24 hours, I'll have forgotten about the exhaustion and carry on with all the festivities yet to come!

*************

P.S. I fed pizza to a chef this past week NOT knowing he was a chef at "The French Laundry" for the past three years. At least it was gourmet pizza. Who am I kidding? I was mortified when I found out and can't stop thinking about the moment I asked him what he did for a living. MORTIFIED!

One Word.

2011-12-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up and the first thought that popped into my head was, "If you could choose between Lily walking or Lily talking, which one would you choose?" My knee-jerk reaction and reply was "walking." "Of course it would be walking," as I rolled over to my side.

Lily only weighs 28 lbs. That's not a lot for an almost three-year-old, but then add into the equation that she is all dead weight. Lily doesn't hold or balance herself when being held. She is my own little human rag doll. Whenever I am trying to explain how heavy Lily is, I always say, "Try holding three, 10-lb. bags of potatoes (okay take out 4 potatoes to make it equivalent to Lily's weight) for about 10 minutes. How do your arms feel? That's heavy! Right?" Well, that is what I lug up and down the stairs at least 10 times a day. Now, add to the weight, the act of putting her in and out of a car seat at least six times a day. Imagine going to a store and there are no carts in the parking lot, so you have to carry all 28 lbs. of dead weight up to the store until you find a cart. (I will actually drive around a parking lot trolling for a cart left in the parking lot and park as close to it as possible. It is always my intention to exert as little muscle power, on my part, as possible.) In fact, my neighborhood grocery store actually tries to always leave a cart out in one of their cart stalls knowing my situation—seeing that I am there probably 2-3 times a week. (That's why it's always nice to buddy up with your neighborhood grocer and baggers).

If you want to comprehend my plight a little more, have you ever dressed a rag doll? Well, that is what it is like when I'm dressing Lily. She doesn't help me put her arm through arm holes or pull her feet up to put on her socks. I do it all.

I am always amazed when I am holding a 3-month-old and I feel all their muscles powering up as they begin to bear weight on their teeny, weeny feet. I get so jealous. SO JEALOUS! I know I sound like I am whining about my little rag doll, and I am. Just a little.

I do get sad for Lily. I want her to be able to run and hide and jump or even fall. I want her to experience everything that life has to offer rather than what is available just a "roll" away—which is basically her life at this moment. Life with Lily is a little slower and that is still hard for me. Like most first-time moms, I am still a little shell shocked that I'm not able to jump in a car, and then jump out of a car. I can't run into a store, and then run out of a store. I used to do it ALL at a warped speed. I don't anymore. I can't. I've come to realize that being in a hurry with Lily is pointless. I am on "Lily time" now.

What Love Is.

While I was still in bed this morning, and after I made that split second decision of wanting her to "walk," I changed my mind. Of course. I am totally indecisive that way. Being Lily's mother, I asked for a "redo" and said, "Talking. I choose 'talking' as my final answer."

I would give anything to really know Lily. Yeah, Yeah, I know my little girl. I know all her little nuances that make her Lily. I know the different sounds when she grunts, or when she does her best high-pitched yelp to get my attention. I KNOW all that, but I want to know what her little mind is thinking. Does she like red-glittery shiny shoes? What were her dreams about last night? Does she know the sound that a cow makes? Does she want to say, "I love you momma" every night when I tuck her into bed? I want to know why she is sad, or what makes her happy. Right now, I can only guess. I have a pretty good idea, but boy it would be wonderful to just hear my little girl say, "Momma." I long to hear that one simple word. The word that lets you know that you are someone's first love and that they know that they belong to you.

Then this afternoon while I was driving home, suddenly tears welled up in my eyes as I reviewed my answer from this morning's trivia question. I said it again out loud, "Talk! I want Lily to be able to talk. That's all I ask. Please!" I knew who I was talking to. I am sure He heard me. He wants to know our wants, desires and needs. I knew He was listening as I poured my heart out to Him.

At that moment, I turned back to Lily and said, "Let's make a deal. If you can just say, 'Momma' I won't expect you to say anything else. If you do, I will take you to the most magical place on earth. You want to go to Disneyland and see Mickey?" Lily looked at me and gurgled and then she smiled that sweet angelic smile that she has. It seemed for a moment that she understood my request. Maybe. I have faith.

The Savior said, "Faith can move mountains." I've never seen a mountain move, but I have seen mountains move in lives that have changed for the better. I have seen mountains of despair and sadness be replaced by hope and happiness. I have seen obstacles that have been overcome and darkness turned into light. Those are mountains. I have seen His hand move me forward in my trials as I practice faith.

"One day." I keep saying that over and over. "One day Lily will talk."

So, here is my wish. I want you all to know that I will take this little girl exactly how she is and I will love her for ALL of her days, just how she is currently packaged. BUT if I had a wish. If I had just one wish (after the trial of my faith) that could be given to me by a loving Savior, it would be to hear one word come from my little girls mouth. I long to hear Lily say, "Mother."

"If thou canst believe, all things are

possible to him that believeth."

—Mark 9:23

I love you Lily and I have faith.

*Photos by Melissa Schoenhardt of Moxie Photography. Provo, Utah.

Because We Need A Little Christmas

2011-12-05T11:00:00.000-07:00

Before I was married, I was such a Scrooge. I loved Christmas only because it meant vacation days. It wasn't ever really about enjoying the spirit of it all. I never ever let myself become fully vested in the spirit of the season. I loved Christmas, but I didn't LOVE Christmas. I just didn't see the point--and that was completely my fault.

Before I was married, I was always the employee that would volunteer to work Christmas Day and get paid overtime. When I finally grew up and got a corporate job that actually paid me to take Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, I'd still check my work email throughout the day and wouldn't fully engage in all the Christmas hype. I had a small tree with small ornaments to match my small heart that was void of real Christmas cheer. Sounds like I was more of a Grinch than a Scrooge.

Before I was married, Christmas always reminded me that even though I was surrounded by family, I was still alone. As much as I acted like it didn't matter, it did, and if I wasn't "alone," in actuality, I really was.

Before I was married, I had my fair share of boyfriends to share the Christmas season with and we would exchange presents more out of obligation. Don't get me wrong, I always loved buying presents for _________ (insert past boyfriends name here), but I always hesitated in buying the big ticket items. I was always in fear of us eventually breaking up come the new year, making my purchase a BAD investment. Remember, I was a pro at being single, and I knew things could go south for no explicable reason.

Case in point. In cycle camp last week, our "coach" (I use that term loosely because I am nowhere close to being a threat on the road or in a race) was reviewing what is the best outerwear for biking outside in weather that is 40 degrees or lower. Like I am going to ride my bike in 40 degrees. Then our coach showed us this super insulated, light jacket that has a hefty price tag at around $450. It was made especially for the hardcore cyclist. When I saw it, I said to Martin, "Hey, you have that jacket!" He replied, "I know, I got it as a present once." (Big ticket item.) All I could think was, "Ahhh, poor girl."

Now, fast forward four years (wow, time flies) and an almost three-year-old in tow. People, "I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF CHRISTMAS!" My Christmas decorations were up on December 2nd. They are decadent and shiny, and each room glows with twinkle lights. I LOVE IT ALL!

Now that I'm married, lately all I do is eat, drink, sleep and THINK about Christmas 24/7. All I want to do is make it more cheery. In church yesterday, I found myself mapping out the lighting that I want to do on the outside of the house. This past week, I found myself going to craft stores like Hobby Lobby, Michael's, Roberts, and Joanne's Fabrics and scooping up red and green, shiny objects right next to the best of them. I'd walk into Walgreens, Home Depot, and Target to just "check out" their lighting section. I can't get enough! I feel like my appetite can't be satiated. It's as if I had been starving myself for the last 20 years. Wait, I was.

Now that I'm married, I want to add to the excitement of the holiday. Lately, I find myself pulling over to the side of the road to show Lily the Christmas lights and to take photos of anything Christmas related. I envy these people. They are old pros at this game called Christmas cheer.

So, in light of the the spirit of the season, I think it's only appropriate that I post some photos of my daily finds every once in awhile. Here are my first few discoveries because we ALL need a little Christmas.

Note: If you haven't purchased the new Michael Buble' Christmas collection this year, you might want to go buy or download it ASAP. Fast forward to Track 15, "Feliz Navidad." I promise that you won't be able to constrain yourself from singing along and feeling the cheerfulness of Christmas.
Caution: You may sing in your car at high decibels without completely knowing all the words. Don't worry, nobody cares, so sing away!

*******************

This is completely unrelated, but look at my little nerd and her new hobby. She loves pulling books off my bookshelves while I'm working in my office/laundry room. We "play" this game all day long--even if I'm not sitting at my computer. It's exhausting.

ser·en·dip·i·ty

2011-12-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

— n
	the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident (source: dictionary.com)

***************

Believe me, what I am about to tell you was NO accident.

While we were in New York last week, we paid a visit to the very popular restaurant/dessert paradise, Serendipity 3 (3? Because 3 guys started the place), to get their famous Frozen Hot Chocolate.

It did not disappoint. Serendipity has an old-fashioned charm with it's soda shop decor that includes Tiffany lamps, feathers, beaded lights and more feathers.

Serendipity's Signature Dessert—Frozen Hot Chocolate

Nothing could have brought me more happiness at that moment, especially after Martin and I had tried to hail a cab for an hour in the pouring rain just to get there! (I kept telling Martin to get out of the way, cab drivers will always stop for "desperate moms with kids in strollers," especially in the rain! Well folks, I am here to tell you, they don't. Take the subway. It's always faster.)

Back to dessert.

The true delight of the evening was that we got to see one of our dearest family friends, Laura, aka Babes, who met us for dinner and dessert.

Once we got to Serendipity's, we found out there was a bit of a wait. Being that we were in New York, there was no room for us to "wait" for our table and it was raining outside. So, Martin said he'd stay with Lil' while Babes and I ran over to Dylan's Candy Bar (Ralph Lauren's Daughter) for a little, ummm... dessert BEFORE our dessert (Cue: Caught red-handed face). "Dylan's" is right up the street from Serendipity. We had so much fun just roaming the aisles of candy, taffy, gummy's, fudge, gumballs, suckers, etc... You name it, Dylan had it. Yum! (Like how I just say, "Dylan", like she is my best friend? In fact, if we knew each other, we probably would be. I'm one of those people that just assumes we're already friends.)

It was a candy lover's heaven.

Finally, back at Serendipity's, the heavens parted and we got a perfect little table over in the corner. This is where I made a huge mistake. I insisted that we each get our OWN Frozen Hot Chocolate. It was an indulgent delight and it respectfully needed to be enjoyed thoroughly by not having to share. Rather, by me not having to share.

I sipped the frozen treat with great fervor and delight to the very end. Yes, I did get sick to my stomach, but that is beside the point. I think it was well worth the several ice cream headaches that I suffered during my heavy slurping as well as the mind-blowing nausea that I felt following the 850 calorie drink. "IT WAS WORTH IT!", I keep telling this to myself. Any one have a TUMS?

Martin wasn't too much of a fan of the Frozen Hot Chocolate, so he opted for the Apple Pie. But guess who was? (Please refer to first picture in this post to receive your answer).

Lily couldn't stop, it was just too dreamy.

That's right, our own little Miss Lily Faith Frey. You couldn't pry the straw away from her.

*************

OTHER TREATS:

Before we said our final goodbyes to the Big Apple, Martin and I took a few pretty sweet photos with our iphones. (Did I mention that I FORGOT to bring my real camera on the trip? Boo!)

Photo 1: Industrial View Photo 2: The last remnants of Fall Photo 3: Ellis Island Ferry Pier

Photo 4: New York from the New Jersey vantage point.

Photo 1: New York skyline at sunset Photo 2: On our way to Ellis Island

Photo 3: Monument at the World Trade Center to those who lost their lives.

Lady Liberty at sunset.

New York, you always make me happy when I come for a visit. I had a great time and can't wait to get back.

*************

P.S. Does every toddler make this kind of a mess on an airplane? I mean, really? (Don't worry, I cleaned it all up before we landed.) It's amazing the kind of mess this kid can make in the blink of an eye.

*All photos taken via Instagram.

Our Story...The Condensed Version

2011-11-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

One day...

This girl, Kym.

Was lined up by her sister with this guy, Martin, and they went on a date.

Then they went on LOTS of fun dates.

And then... One night, in the middle of a lake, Martin proposed marriage to Kym.

Of course, she said, "Yes!"

So, 6 WEEKS later on November 29, 2007, they got married.

Along with this fabulous union, Kym inherited a new daughter. Her name is Meredith.

So, Kym and Meredith went to Barcelona together... it only seemed appropriate. wink.

The story gets even better for Kym...

Soon after Kym and Martin were married, Kym got pregnant.

(If you're wondering where a picture is of Kym pregnant, you can forget it! Keep scrolling!)

One year and two months later after Martin and Kym were married, they had a beautiful daughter and named her Lily Faith.

Now they are a family of four.

And four years later, TODAY, they still continue to live happily.

*******************

Credit where credit is due:
First photo and wedding photos by Zuma photography - Great Wedding Photographer in Salt Lake City.
Baby photo of Little Lil's by Little Starling photography - Great Photographer now in New Mexico.
Christmas photos of our family by Moxie photography - Great Portrait and Wedding Photographer in Provo, Utah.

Pining

2011-11-27T14:37:00.001-07:00

I think all of us, no matter how satisfied we are with our lives, have a tendency to dream about things that may be out of our reach for the moment. We're only human, right? I hope it's not just me that does this. Let me further explain. I love my home. I love where I live. I luh-uv my husband and child, and I love the friends that surround me. However, that doesn't mean I can't dream from afar, right?

I can still dream about the things that I truthfully don't pine away for, but may still drool over if given the opportunity. For instance, I don't pine for the perfect piece of pizza, but if presented with the perfect piece of pizza, I may drool over it. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Case in point, let's discuss all the cute homes that I saw while staying with my mother-in-law in New Jersey this past week. Each day, as we drove to our destination, we would pass homes that I would completely fall in love with. Every day I would tell Martin to go a specific route so that I could see the homes that I had seen the day before, just because.... And every day I would systematically say to Martin, "I want that one! Yes, if given the choice, that is the one I want!" Then, I would quickly change my mind as we drove by the next perfect home. "No, that is the one I want!" I couldn't decide if I wanted Americana, French Chateaux, Nantucket style or a Cottage style? Did I want the wraparound porch or the rounded roof with the stained glass windows? Maybe both!

Truthfully, I couldn't decide, because basically, if given the choice, I would have taken them all. If I was a heiress, or maybe royalty, I would have purchased the whole town! When I covet, I covet for the impossible—so it all balances out in the end, because then reality kicks in and I just don't have that kind of money, silly! So, even though I am totally content with the life I have been given, some times I still pine.

This brings me to my next thought. When I look at homes, whether I like it or not, I get a sense that each home carries it's own attitude with it. While I drove by the homes in the neck of New Jersey where we were residing, I thought of how each one was descriptive of the people (particularly the women) that dwelled within it's walls. I would imagine these perfect, well-manicured women living in their perfect, well-manicured homes, and I pined for that life. The homes and the women that occupied them seemed unattainable with unimaginably perfect lives. I envied those "homes" when compared to mine.

Certainly, the type of women that lived in these homes never had stains on their coat sleeves or smack dab in the middle of their chests because their child considered them to be a human napkin. They probably ALWAYS had their shirts tucked in neatly into the back of their pants, and not a one of them had thighs bigger than my pinky. They all woke up each day with hair that was easy to style and only needed a touch of mascara to help them look more alert. NONE of them ever needed to fill up their tanks with gas or their refrigerator's with milk and perfect produce. I imagined all of these women in these perfect homes, wearing Hermès scarves around their necks with their perfectly shaped calves and perfectly shaped nail beds. Of course, they wouldn't dream of having dry skin that resembled that of an elephants, and I am sure they each took bubble baths every night in their clawfooted bathtubs. Oh, and don't forget a VERY important detail, which is; that none of these women probably ever gained a pound when they were pregnant. I. KNOW. IT!

Frankly, if I am going to get personal here. I'm sure that NOT A ONE of these ladies spent endless hours with doctors and physical therapists, and all of their children walked and talked and met their individual milestones. I'm positive that all of them had a perfect game plan when it came to their child's future or for their daughter's wedding. Their homes and their made up lives in my mind's eye, seemed so perfect. So far from mine.

Finally, after about the 3rd day, I calmed myself down and got a grip. I said out loud, looking into the mirror, "Why are you getting yourself all worked up over this? You live in Utah, not New Jersey! You have a great life, a husband who loves you and a daughter that you adore! You need to stop all this nonsense!" I knew I was being nonsensical, and I knew this really wasn't a life that I wanted. My life does not reside in a JCrew catalog. My thighs will always touch, and my cuticle's will always be uneven. In fact, I've always kinda liked the imperfections. They make up the person that I am—they give me my sense of humor about life. My imperfections have taught me, in a sense, when I should and shouldn't take myself or life too seriously. My home, although lovely, doesn't define who I am and how I really live. It is merely a roof and a place to gather the things and more importantly, the people that I love. No, my perfect life isn't in Mahwah, New Jersey living by the lake, it is in Salt Lake City, by the canyon, in Utah. I like it, in fact, I love it, and I love me... for the most part. wink.

At the end of it all, when my life is about to be finished here in this mortal life, I know, I KNOW I wouldn't have wanted to have changed anything in the world for what I have now.

So, as much as I pine after things I know I'll never have or really ever want, I'm still allowed to at least dream.

****************

In spite of the harsh lesson that I had with myself, I thought I should at least SHOW you some of the dreamy homes we would pass by each day. So you can drool alongside with me.

Dream Home #1

*Note: The pictures don't really do these homes justice. Most of them were on an acre of land and backed up against a lake. If they looked like this during the throes of Fall turning into Winter, can you imagine what they look like in the Spring?

Dream Home #2

At first, I cropped the front walkway out of the photo so you could get a closer look at the house. Then I realized that the walkway is what adds to the charm, so I put it back in the picture.

This home had a beautiful glass-encased sun porch on the back of it that looked over the lake. I wanted to be sitting in that sun roofed room in the worst way.

Dreamy, Dream Home #3

I call this my dreamy, dream house. At first look, I thought it was a barn. Then I drove by again and saw that it had a white barn adjacent to it with a beautiful Bay horse being brushed by it's presumed owner, or for that matter, the Help. The home was just quaint and had windows that were all along the back of the house overlooking the lake. It was dreamy.

Dream Home #4

When we drove by this house on Thanksgiving Day, the family was outside playing, "Flag Football." Each family member was dressed in what looked to be straight from Land's End's Fall catalog. Every one of them was either in a rugby shirt or wearing a barn jacket. Not kidding. It was so cliche' and I loved it.

My favorite thing about this house was the orange accented doors. Orange front entrance, side entrance, shed entrance. Orange! It was fantastic.

Dream Home #5

This house grew on me when I drove by it for a third time. Right before I took the photo a Russian hound went running across the lawn to meet it's owner who was driving a white VW Toureg with what I believed to be the Burberry quilted jacket. A must for the upper-class trying to resemble the middle-class. I own one, but I am still just middle-class, middle-of-the-road, just middle. Which I'm fine with. Or, maybe I want a white Toureg. I have to think about that one...

Dream Home #6 - The Dream of All Dreams!

This is the last of my dreamy homes tour of New Jersey. This home was my actual DREAM home and I am just sorry that this photo doesn't do it justice. You see, when I got out to take the photo, I didn't realize that the owner was at his mailbox in his green 2011 Jaguar looking straight at me. I was horrified and yelped at my mother-in-law to quickly drive away. Then I had her drive me back later as I hung myself out the passenger window to take a picture as she sped by. Dignity is not a main necessity at moments like this. Martin would have been horrified.

Oh and when the owner saw me, I was trying to get a picture of the back porch (that was magnificent) and the front window that was over the rounded front porch. The details were out of this world. I'm just sorry that you can't see them any closer than this. Don't worry, in my best German-American accent, "I'll be back"

****************

One more thing. If you are a Housewives of New Jersey watcher (That's right, regretfully I watch it. Not my proudest admission.) Anyway, I couldn't be in Franklin Lakes without paying a visit to our friend, Caroline Manzo's home. In fact, I even went to the strip mall that has the shop, Wayne's Posche Boutique (Yes, that's Posche) owned by Kim D. I'm pathetic. I know.

The NJ Housewives and the sign welcoming me as I drove into NJ Housewives territory. I even got out of my
car to snap the picture. I was that serious.

Caroline Manzo's house. I'm a stalker.

Yes, I am horrified with myself as well.

Will I ever learn? Let's hope, but until then, I can dream.

The Macy's Day Parade According to Instagram

2011-11-26T06:02:00.001-07:00

My latest obsession is Instagram.

Instagram is a place to post photos directly through your smartphone to your family and friends without feeling like you've overstayed your welcome on Facebook. Plus, it's totally addicting to the overzealous mother (me, sometimes) and the amateur photographer (me, again).

Join me on Instagram at @kymfrey. It's an easy App to download on to your smartphone and then, voilà! You get to be even more of a voyeuer than you already were! Be careful though, it could consume your life moving forward.

***************

As far as parade headquarters, Matt Laur had nothing on us. We had a perfect view, our great family with us and a two-year-old that thought she had died and gone to heaven. We had so much fun and are so thankful to have family in New York to host us on such a magical day for Lily. We love you Peter and Yana!

Here are some of my latest, huhummmm (clearing throat) masterpieces taken at the Macy's Day Parade in New York on Thanksgiving day:

Oh, wait... I'm no masterpiece.

Keep scrolling down.

She could not constrain the excitement of the moment.
It was so precious to watch her.

Well, Hello.... Kitty.

Balloons

SpongeBob and His Square Pants.

He didn't miss a second!

Rollerblade portable,

3D camera system with

TV display viewing glasses.

Every spectators dream.

Martin's going to rig this

up for me for next year.

Lily. The Crowd Heckler!

Try not to focus on the red gloves... try not to focus on the red gloves... try not....

Check out Lily. Cracks me up every time I look at it.

Really. Can it get much cuter than this?

So TUCKERED!

A BIG Thank You to Peter and Yana for making this happen! It's good to
have relatives in the city!

Next year, we'll come more prepared.
***************

Tomorrow we are homeward bound and I'll have my computer back! Oh, how I have missed her.

Stay tuned for some fun posts about our stay in New Jersey and our fun in New York. Oh, and I have some great recipes coming down the pipe as well.

Did anyone make they See's Candies Scotch Kiss Sweet Potatoes? Were they a small slice of heaven?

Hope you all had a fun and festive day of Giving Thanks. I honestly don't think I need to eat for a good week.

XOXO
--Kym

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sometimes I Get Lucky.

2011-11-23T22:59:00.001-07:00

Not sure if I mentioned, but we are in New Jersey for Thanksgiving.

I don't have a computer this week (Computer is too heavy + Lily = I'm pooped.) So I'll try and eek out a post via my cell phone. Pardon any errors as my phone or myself, for that matter, aren't so "smart" without my computer.

Here goes..

I'm a lucky girl. Since Martin is from the East coast, we get to go and visit his family in New Jersesy for the holidays.

Don't believe those stories of it being the armpit of the East coast or as cultured as "The Situation."

I LOVE New Jersey. It is so beautiful and green while each home is lovely and sprawling over an acre of land ( at least where we are visiting).

I especially love spending time with Martin's extended family. I'm lucky. Each individual in Martin's family is dear, refined and educated.

Plus, a huge bonus about coming for a visit is that we are about 20 minutes away from New York!

Me driving into the city. Wahoo!

Since we've been here, I have been on the search for the best pizza in New York AND in New Jersey--which means I've pretty much have had pizza in some form or another every day since we've been here. Which means, so has Lily. Poor kid.

*************

Our first stop in Nueva York, we went to The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

I HEART The Met.

So does Lily.

How Lily interprets my constant talking. Her inner dialogue, if you will.

Inside The Met.

I love this sculpture by Rodin. Maybe a bit "racey" but I love it's meaning and symbolism.

Some of the Impressionists.

Some of my favorite pieces and people.

Gustav Klimt still kills me.

The beautiful aristocracy before the Windsors.

And then there's Jackson Pollock. And...

Rothko, and...

Me and Lily.

And... Little sideways people.

This bust has an amazing resemblance to my friend Steve Hart. So I always go and visit him to say, "hi" to my friend.

I had to sneak this one before I got shackled and taken away in cuffs.

More later, so much more to share. Needless to say, we are making the most of every minute.

I survived. We closed the place down. The Met around 9:00 pm.

We are having a grand time!

So far... I am one lucky girl. Yes, indeed.

So excited for Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
-Kym

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Our Week.

2011-11-19T15:30:00.001-07:00

Our week in pictures.

Lily turned into a Hillbilly.

Lily chipped her tooth. A complete accident. Not only did she chip her tooth, she got a fat lip and screamed like the dickens.

Mind you, aside from the pain she was experiencing, all I could think when I saw her was, "She has portraits this week!"

I went ahead and did the portraits with the photographer(s) because it is, what it is. Deadlines are fast approaching. Christmas cards.

We'll always remember this as the year when Lily resembled a Hillbilly. Poor thing. Dentist appointment is scheduled for the Monday after Thanksgiving.

****************

Today's prognosis: All is healing well.

****************

Wednesday, after my cycle camp class, Lily and I went on a walk through the town of Holladay. Holladay is a quaint little town right between the gym and our home. It has some really cute shops that I have been wanting to peruse for the past few months, so I finally did just that! Window shopped. ...And maybe a little more than that. At least I didn't BUY the window...

We went on a mommy-daughter date for fro-yo.

During our "perusing", we took a break at the local yogurt shop. It ended up being the most DIVINE tasting yogurt. That, or we were both starving.

I had maybe 3 bites, and then she confiscated it for good.
****************

My sweet momma in the hospital.

My mom had knee surgery on Thursday. Lily and I went to go visit her at the hospital. I had to cut my mom's head out of the photo or she would have cut me out of the will.

****************

Later that day, Lily and my friend Tonia's little girl, Clementine, had their portraits taken with Santa.

How cute is Santa for getting on all fours to get the children to warm up to him first?

I blurred out the children, because they're not mine and this isn't a blog about them.

Oh, and Santa took a break from portraits and came over and had lunch with me and Tonia. Why I didn't get a picture of Santa eating lunch with us, I'll never know? If I had, I would have written a whole post about my date with Santa. I would have cut Tonia out of it completely. (wink.)

In the course of the conversation Tonia asked Santa, "Soooo, is your mustache really that curly?" Santa replied, "No, my wife curls it with a curling iron and she also curls my beard under so that it's all nice and neat." It was. I loved that moment and only wished that more people would have been around to witness our funny conversation with Santa.

****************

Friday, Lily got her portraits done again (sans, Santa. Complete coincidence that they were scheduled within the same week). Oh, and I got my hair "did." (I went darker. I miss lighter. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror this morning. I'll learn to enjoy it.) Since my sitter was laid up in a hospital bed, I had to take Lily with me. I hate taking Lily to the salon, because it is my time to fall asleep while my stylist works her magic.

Lily was her usual self, a peach! Even though my appointment was at the same time as her nap time, she wanted nothing to do with it. There was too much hustle and bustle in the salon for her to miss a thing! And she didn't...

Lily entertaining me while I'm under the dryer.

****************

Today, Martin was out skinning in the back country around Alta and Snowbird with some friends. Skinning is basically skis with velcro on the bottom. They help the skier climb up a mountain with more ease rather than regular skis. Who would want to do that? Bleh.

Martin needed a ride home, so Lily and I went up to Alta ski resort and waited for Martin to come off the mountain.

Being up in the canyon, I was reminded of how blessed we are to live in such a beautiful state. I wish I would have gone up earlier and partaken in such lovely snow. It was a perfect day.

Lily and I shared some hot chocolate while we waited for Martin to show up at the lodge.

Where we waited, and waited and waited.
Finally, we just started taking pictures.

How come Hot Chocolate at a ski lodge tastes

10 times better than when I make it?

Bonus. I ran into an old friend while waiting for Martin to get down from wherever he was. I love seeing old friends.
****************

BEST.RECIPE.EVER.ALERT!

Now for what you have been waiting for, even though you didn't know you were. Let's talk Thanksgiving. Aside from Christmas, Thanksgiving ranks right up there for being my favorite holiday. I love everything about it. It's the precursor to a month of fun and activities and LOTS of food. Who couldn't agree more?

I thought as an early present, I would post my favorite (and my family's favorite) Thanksgiving side dish. See's Candies Scotch Kisses and Sweet Potatoes (or you can substitute it with Yams. Both work for this recipe.)

If you want to blow the socks off your guests, or say you've been asked to bring a side dish, bring this! It is the one everyone will talk about for months. I promise.

(Serves 10)

Preparation:

50 minutes to cook Sweet Potatoes in their skins

10 minutes to prepare ingredients

5 minutes to prepare crust

10 minutes for crust to bake

20-25 minutes to bake the entire dish with all ingredients

Ingredients:

16 See’s Scotch Kisses

3-4 large sweet potatoes (approximately 4 cups mashed)

1/2 stick of butter at room temperature

1/2-3/4 cups brown sugar (sometimes I add more.)

Cinnamon

Nutmeg

Crushed Pineapple

Pinch of Salt

1). Prepare your sweet potatoes by poking them with baking nail or just cut slits all around the potato. Pop them in the oven at 350 degrees for 50 minutes.

2). Once the potatoes are cooked, remove skin and mash with potato masher or puree 3 of the 4 potatoes.

3). With remaining sweet potato, cut up into small chunks.

4). Add chunks into mashed sweet potatoes (I like a little texture, that is why I add the chunks. If you like them all mashed, then by all means, do it!)

5). Cut half of the stick of butter into small slices and mix with brown sugar, then add to sweet potatoes.

6). Add 1 (16 oz) or 3/4 cup of crushed pineapples (with juice) to mixture. Mix well. (I buy dole crushed pineapples in the can.)

7). Add 1 Tablespoon of Cinnamon and 1 1/2 teaspoon of Nutmeg and mix into butter/brown sugar/crushed pineapple/pureed sweet potatoes mixture and mix well.

8). Add 1/2 teaspoon salt to mixture.

9). Add 1/2 teaspoon zest from one orange (optional) or more to taste. I didn't have an orange today when I was making this dish, so I just left this step out of the recipe. It's still just as delicious.

Preparation:
Puncture then bake whole sweet potatoes in their skin in a 350-degree oven until tender, approximately 45-50 minutes (or longer if the sweet potatoes are especially large).

When done, peel and put potatoes in a bowl, add butter, brown sugar, pineapples, cinnamon and nutmeg mixture and mash with electric mixer or potato masher. Add salt and orange zest. Blend well.

Crust:

I kind of eyeball this, but here is what I came up with.
1). 1.5 cups of Bisquick
2). 1/2 cup of brown sugar
3). Add remaining 1/2 stick of butter (melted)
4). Fold mixture until it becomes doughy (you may need to add a little more melted butter).
5). Press mixture into the bottom of a 9X 9 prepared (greased) dish and bake at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes.

Once crust is ready and cooked, spread the mashed sweet potato mixture over the baked crust dish. Unwrap Scotch Kisses, and line them on top of the casserole. Bake in oven until warm and Scotch Kisses are golden brown, about 15-20 minutes.

Step-by-step Instructions:

Be prepared to be the most popular person
in the room after you serve this.
Bon Appetit!

Change Is Good

2011-11-15T23:52:00.001-07:00

March 2011—Lily and her Texas cousins.

There is a moment in the musical, "Fiddler on the Roof" where the main character, Tevye, starts singing about his eldest daughter, Tzeitel, growing up so quickly. The song is titled, "Sunrise, Sunset." In the song it describes the change that Tevye is experiencing with his daughters' soon to be betrothal. He goes on to sing about him wondering how he grew to be so old and how Tzeitel suddenly grew into a beautiful woman. All without him realizing it until that moment, "...Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers. Blossoming even as we gaze."

Probably just a cheesy show tune to most, but to me, I've always loved this song.

Today, I turned up the volume of this song in my Life Soundtrack. All I was doing was looking at photos on my iPhone of Lily from this past Summer and then on up until this past week. I found myself humming this tune (I like a good show tune) and thinking, "Where is my baby?"

I suddenly got all nostalgic and longed for the days gone by the wayside. What happened to that little toddler that I was playing with 6 months ago? How has she grown up so quickly? WHERE DID THE TIME GO?

I know that all of you mothers have had this same experience. For me, it was today, and it was clearly evident that my baby, who was a toddler, is clearly turning into a little girl. It's going way too fast. How do I stop it? Wait! I don't want to stop it, I see so much progression in Lily when looking at these photos. I don't want to stop THAT! Granted, Lily is no where close to getting married and I don't think I've grown all that old, but what I do see is CHANGE, and that is a good thing when it comes to my little Lily.

November 2011—Relaxing after her bath.
Such a sweet little face.

Physical and Mental Changes:
By change, I mean both physically and mentally. Physically, Lily's hair has grown at least an inch since the beginning of the Summer, maybe even two. I know for a fact that she has grown 2.5 inches and gained 3 pounds. Mentally, I am reminded from some of the photos that things that were challenges to Lily at the beginning of the Summer are no longer challenges for her today. For instance, eating on her own. Lily can pick up little pieces of food off her tray now and bring her hand to her mouth. That is a big coordination effort for her brain. She wasn't doing that 6 months ago. I remember thinking at the time that I would have loved to have just handed Lily a treat while driving and she was in her car seat. The reality was that once/if she got a hold of the food, she could never navigate it to her mouth. If she was hungry, then I'd have to stop what I was doing and take about an hour to feed her. (She eats slowly. She still eats SLOWLY.) So in the span of a summer, Lily has started being more independent by feeding herself. It is still a slow process, but now, the girl has got the feeding thing down. Giving me so much more freedom. (Be forewarned! I'm going to probably say "freedom" a lot in this post.)

Now on to sippy cups. Lily doesn't really drink from a sippy cup yet but my mom did get her to sip from a cup with a big straw in it about 8 months ago (see photo below). My mom is a pro. (Remember, she is the one that got Lily to put the binky back in her mouth.) My "baby-whispering" mother put a milkshake in Lily's cup with the straw and said, "She'll sip this once she knows what it is. I've never seen a child turn down a milkshake." So she dabbed Lily's tongue with the creamy goodness, put the lid back on the cup and sure enough Lily started sucking. Again, giving me freedom to prop the cup and actually get something done around the house. Although Lily still won't hold her sippy cup on her own, she will move her head around to get the straw back in her mouth. Like bobbing for apples, but without the water. So that's a start. We'll get there.

Morning, Sunshine! I miss peaches for breakfast!

Just last month, Lily started drinking from all straws, not just the big rubbery one at the end of her cup in the picture. She will sip from ANY straw. Do you know what that means? That is a big one for me because in the past, if I didn't have her "special" cup when we were out and about, we were doomed. We'd have to stop what we were doing and go home, so she could get a drink and feed herself. Now, I can order from anywhere and the little cutie just sips away.

It's the mess that is my challenge now. My OCD doesn't do well with sticky milkshake all over a little girl, but that is a whole other post for later, and I just need to get over it.

I know I am making a big thing out of straw, but drinking from any straw is a triumph because it frees me up to move onto other responsibilities. Feeding Lily would sometimes take me up to two hours, depending on her mood. Now the process is simplified, and although she still eats slowly, she can do it on her own. Now, I just have to prop the bottle in her high chair and cut up the food into finger foods, and then I walk away. FREEDOM! Especially, freedom from worry! I always worried whether she was getting enough nourishment because the process was slow and arduous and she wanted out of her chair after 10 minutes. Now, I can really tell if she's eaten it because she gobbles it up on her own.

April 2011—Lily's cousin, Bailey, is trying to
get her to stand on her own. She still won't do that
for me, but she'll do it for Bailey.
We call this her "Tiny Tim" pose.

Lily is also starting to express herself more. She grunts louder when she's hungry. Before I had to guess. She also grunts another way when she wants to tell me she's tired. (We do use sign language with her. She has yet to respond to it, but we keep trying!)

The best thing about all this change is that she cuddles! My little girl finally cuddles! She will nuzzle her head and face gently between my face and my shoulder and let me rock her. I could never do that before. In the past, she would just push me away from her. Granted, she still has to be pretty tuckered, but she will cuddle and love on me. I'm tearing up just thinking about this accomplishment. Unfortunately, Lily still doesn't hug. Oh how I'd love for her to come over and hug on me, but I'll take a cuddle for now. So see, she IS progressing—even though I thought that yesterday she wasn't. It may be teeny, tiny, baby changes, but changes nonetheless. I'll take it!

Here are some photos from my iPhone of my ever-changing little piece of joy:

March 2011—Lily's first haircut.

April 2011—Getting ready for the wedding of William and Kate. Wedding attire and all.

June 2011—Swim lessons. When dad is around,
Lily only has eyes for him.
No, really. I don't exist during these moments.

July 2011—Swimming lessons this past summer. She loved splashing in the water and, of course, playing with her "One and Only" during the lesson.

September 2011—Liberty Park. Salt Lake City, UT

Lily and I walked all over and around the park that day while waiting for Martin to finish a tennis match. We fed the ducks, played in the fountain, swung on the swings, went down the slide, went on the Ferris Wheel and I, of course, people watched.

It was a perfect day.

After Martin was done with his match, he and I ran around the park, twice (I stopped, maybe 20 times).

I already miss that day.

I shouldn't have taken it for granted.

About to take a ride on the Ferris Wheel.
What's a park without a Ferris Wheel?

... or seeing the medieval jousters? Can someone please explain the lure of this to me?
I guess I should just settle for, "To each his own."

October 2011—Fall has arrived.
Lily gets a new flannel shirt from Grandma.
So cute.

The leaves have begun falling from the trees.
(Photo taking during my morning walk this morning.)

A new season is being welcomed at our front door.

It's about time to give thanks. Give thanks for changes.

Because change is a good thing!

******************

BOTOX UPDATE:

I am IN for doing this kind of procedure! Lily's upkeep has really changed. She drools so little now, that I don't have to always keep a bib on her. Whew. She was starting to look silly and I was looking like an overprotective mom. Before the botox, it was standard for me to leave the house with 3 bibs and a burp cloth. Now, I just bring a burp cloth with me. Lily still drools on occasion but nothing compared to the magnitude before the procedure. One thing to remember, it took a good week for the botox to take effect, and now she drools a lot less!

Lily will qualify again for the the procedure in early January and I am going to ask for the full dosage this time. I won't be doing her legs and thighs this time because I just don't see it benefiting her. However, I will do her salivary glands. Schwinnng! We are so happy about this little change.

******************

For your viewing pleasure, just a little video of Lily swinging at the park this past summer. You will hear the joy in her voice.

She is so, so sweet.

I don't know where the deep, husky sound of my voice is

coming from, but Lily's joy outweighs my voice. Hopefully.

Lily holds onto the sides of the swing now like most children do when they swing. It just takes redundancy for her and then she gets it. Change is soooo good!

Propositioning Bono

2011-11-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

Well, not intentionally...

Kym, can you smile a little bigger, so we can really see those gums?
I think I had 20 of those mini hamburgers behind me in the photo that evening. Ugh!

When U2 came to town last June, a good friend of mine, Amy, called me and asked if I wanted to meet Bono! Well, I mean, sure I did. Who doesn't want to meet a rock star? Plus, I NEVER pass down an invitation from Amy because... well, if you knew Amy, you wouldn't either. She is my one friend that mingles in" high places" because she's earned it, not like this "yahoo" writing this post right now. Plus, she's super smart and the CEO of her own company and the list goes on and on. Basically, she's got it going on and I don't know where I even put it.

Pretending that I'm totally cool.

More importantly, she is my good friend, so she is game for me to tag along mostly ALWAYS with her.

The day of the concert was actually the same day that Martin had summited to the top of the world, Mt. Everest (an important tidbit later on in the story). Since that put Martin in Nepal still, that meant that I was going to be the third wheel to Amy and her husband, Rollin, at the concert and during the Bono meet and greet. Not to worry. I was single for 40 years. THIRD WHEEL is my middle name! In fact, it suits me. Call me "tag-a-long."

Back to Bono. When we arrived, we were with lots of important Utah folks... and then me. The group was ushered into a back door at the stadium. Behind the door, we had a fabulous buffet of yummy food waiting for us. "Don't mind if I do," I said to myself. I ate tiny hamburgers, fancy little pastries and drank some pretty great Diet Coke. Just as I finished up, they announced that Bono would be coming in with his "handler." The crowd grew quiet and pulled out their fancy cameras. I mean, they're fancy people, it's a given that they have fancy cameras, right?

Bono entered the room. My first thought, "He is itty bitty. What? Bono is short!" Then that shock quickly dissipated as the crowd of these dignified businessmen rushed all dignified (in a way) over to the corner where Bono was standing. Bono was a pro at working the room. He made jokes, shook hands, talked to individuals as if they were neighbors, and then he got to me. "Doh!"

Granted, Mark Eaton is like 7' 4" but look at Bono.

I had this whole line that I had practiced of what I was going to say to him. It was a VERY cool line. However, when he got to me, he threw me an audible. He grabbed my hand and held it while talking to someone else. Then he pulled me closer so that I knew I was next in line to be able to talk to him. This is where I really show my true colors. I sort of tripped over my shoe at that moment and my face hit his leather jacket. What I really mean is that my face hit his leather jacket made of softly churned buttah. It was SO SOFT! "So THIS is what rock stars get to have! They get to have the softest, smoothest, most loveliest leather jackets known to man," I thought to myself. I reached up and pet his jacket as if it were a soft little puppy. It was that lovely. So lovely, that I completely lost my train of thought when Bono turned to me and gave me his full attention.

This was my moment. MY MOMENT TO TALK TO BONO!

The following is what I had meant to say. MEANT being the operative word here. What I meant to say to him was, "You know, Bono, my husband isn't here tonight because he climbed to the top of Mt. Everest just today. And when he and his buddies got to the top they sang, 'Beautiful Day' all together to celebrate their climb." Then I would say, "Can I get a photo with you to send to him and his mates? They'd go nuts." I had read that his team had done this, no idea if Martin was part of it—I assumed so, but BOY was that a cool story to tell Bono, or what?

But instead, this is what I actually said to the rock star we call Bono, do-er of good, all things RED, philanthropist, freedom-maker, songwriter, coolest-man-at-that-moment and leather goods so fine that I could sleep on....

"You know, Bono, my husband isn't here tonight..." and then I froze. Brain freeze, Rick Perry in National debate kind of brain freeze. "The jacket! His hand is holding mine! His sunglasses are light colored lenses—those don't keep out UV light!" I went on to think in my mushy brain, "Why is he wearing the tinted lensed glasses—it's not sunny in here? It will be dark by the time the concert starts, he doesn't need them! Oh yeah, it's his signature. Oh my gosh, his eyes are looking straight into my pupils. I am a good forehead taller than Bono! I want to touch that jacket again! S-E-X-Y, sexy, sexy!" I couldn't help myself, he was pretty sexy with that upper-class, fine-leathered jacket and all. He must have got it in Italy right over by the Spanish Steps in Rome. I KNOW IT! I've been there. I've seen those people!

So, after I froze and made a complete fool of myself, he and I had a "moment" together. Eye to eye. A moment of him probably thinking, "This woman just propositioned me in front of her peers." He didn't know I was a tag-a-long. Or did he? The way I just acted, he most definitely did! My gig was up!

In the interim, I am thinking, "Finish your sentence, Kym. FINISH your sentence! What are you doing? Finish your sentence!" I didn't know what I was suppose to say, though. Nothing. I mean NOTHING came out of me! NOTHING of value was floating in my brain! I FORGOT EVERYTHING! What? A thought? At that moment I thought, "That stupid jacket! Wait. How can I check the label on it?" I realized, that there was no hope of me pulling out of this one.

Anyway, Bono had enough of the pleasantries with Kym-O. I could tell. I had lost my chance. The moment was now awkward. So, I took my obligatory rock star photo with a rock star while looking all gummy with a face that was beet red from embarrassment. I felt like all eyes were on the girl that skirted in on the coat tails of her friend. (Who probably will never invite me again!) Then, at that moment, I had realized that I had just propositioned Bono by not finishing my thought... my sentence... my ONE very cool, super sexy line! The horror. H.O.R.R.O.R!

See, Amy is way cooler than I am.

For all you U Dos fans.

Moral of the story. Don't take anyone with you to meet a rock star that will inevitably embarrass you in front of YOUR peers. The worst part, not that I would have ever have acted on the "supposed" proposition, but Bono didn't even entertain the idea. LOSER.

*One day I'll write about all my star encounters. All these exceptionally cool folks that I meet or see and how I react to the meeting. Of course, the idiocy continues on my end. I expect nothing less.

*****************

PUMPKIN COOKIES

This little ditty below is for all my pumpkin, chocolate, cookie loving crowd. Just for you!

I have had a few (okay, alot) of requests for my Pumpkin Chocolate Chip cookie recipe. It's the closest to Great Harvest Pumpkin cookies (back in the day when they were at every Great Harvast—now you have to rummage for them at various stores). Great Harvest is a pretty well-known Utah-based bread bakery. I always just went there for the specialty cookies.

Well, I finally broke down and made them on Saturday and ate only 1. Such WILL POWER. Then Sunday came.Ba Ba Buh Bum Bum... I had at least 2 for breakfast, 3 for lunch and then a few more later.

Finally, I had to shove the rest in my moms purse before she left my house. I just didn't want to say I had eaten the entire batch. Glutton! (Did I mention that Martin MAYBE had 2? I think that's pushing it with barely eating 2 pieces of HEAVEN!.) How do people not like pumpkin and chocolate?

Here's the recipe. Have at it! Because I'm not making anymore this season. It's just too dangerous. Too close to the edge for me.

Makes: 20
Ingredients
Mix the following together:
1 cup canned pumpkin
1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 egg

Mix the following together in a separate bowl:
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt

Mix the following together before adding to flour mixture:
1 teaspoon milk
1 teaspoon baking soda (dissolve with the milk)

Add to entire mixture:
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2 cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preparation:
1. Combine pumpkin, sugar, vegetable oil and egg. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, ground cinnamon, nutmeg and salt.
2. Dissolve the baking soda with the milk and stir in. Add flour mixture to pumkin mixture and mix well.
3. Add vanilla and chocolate chips
4. Drop by spoonful (generously) on greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for approximately 9 minutes.

Special Touch: I like to place a few of the chocolate chips on the top of each cookie before I bake them to give them a more finished look. Enjoy! And don't eat the whole batch!

If You Could See What I Know

2011-11-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Lily,

It's entirely too early and I do mind that you are up and ready to start the day even though I, in fact, am not. So, I am putting you back to bed.

Before I do, I want you to know a few things that I see every time we play your favorite pastime of looking deep into my eyes, forehead to forehead and nose to nose. Regardless of the hour, this is what I see when your eyes playfully catch mine:

I see hope. I see love. I see nobility. I see a child of God. I see a choice gift that was given to me by a loving Heavenly Father who entrusted me and your dad with you, our angel. I see a bright future, a happy future—I see our family's future. I see eternity. I see intelligence. I see faith. Faith in you, and faith in us; your parents, who were hand-picked to raise you. I see the Master's hand in His version of perfection.

Lastly, I see a gift that is often given to mothers—I see me in your eyes. You have my eyes, you know? How lucky am I? I get to have the most precious gift ever given to me have MY eyes. I am blessed.

Lily, when you're looking into my eyes, I want you to always see LOVE in its rarest form—unconditional. That you recognize strength and a relentless spirit for good. I want you to see kindness towards others and willing hands. I'm working hard on that one.

A mother always wants to be perfect in the eyes of her child. So, Lily, is it too much to ask that when you look into my eyes that you see slight traces of perfection? Maybe different degrees or versions of it (if there is such a thing) spliced together, and maybe a bit disheveled, but close enough?

Now, the last of all my wishes. I hope that when you look into my eyes that you really SEE me and that you recognize that I too, have your eyes. Our eyes.

It's time for sleep Lil' Faith. Sweet dreams, little one.

With deep and loving arms and eyes,

Your mother

Post Script: I could have done a little PhotoShop to remove the mascara under my eyes, but it's too early to play that game. So, I am keeping it real, as usual.

1 Samuel 1:27 Design-Etsy.com

Gabbaphiles

2011-11-10T05:42:00.002-07:00

Want to know the best thing you can ever do for your 2-year-old that's completely entertaining for you as well? Try taking them to the Yo Gabba Gabba! Live show.

Just like in the story, when Pinocchio turned into a real boy—Lily turned into a real toddler yesterday. But this is no story, and Lily is the real deal!

You know the kind of toddler that dances offbeat to the music? Smiles from ear to ear? The child that can't pull their eyes from the entertainment and WANTS to be a PART of the entertainment? Well, that was Lily the minute the show started.

I could tell that Lily felt the excitement immediately when we entered the theater. As each of us took our own seat, she looked all around taking in her surroundings with care. Seated beside her, in front of her, and BEHIND her were two, three and four-year-olds! She was in heaven. No, they were ALL in heaven.

Lily looking around, taking in all the commotion
and seeing little people all around her.

When the lights went down, and the beat went up, this kid was ready to get down and dance. It was so entertaining to see how she responded to the music. It changes her. It brings out a side to Lily that is just starting to manifest itself this past month. Like most of us, I think music gets to her soul a bit more, awakens her senses; making her come alive. It was so amazing that I could hardly contain myself while I watched her swing her head from shoulder-to-shoulder the ENTIRE show.

Okay. Not the best video, but it was the only time she would let me film her without pulling at the camera.

I could only get video of her during the intermission. However, she was still swaying to the music and singing (even though there wasn't any music. Shhh! Don't tell her). I cried 3 times. I'm a huge boob when it comes to Lily's accomplishments. This is kind of huge for us right now.

The cutest thing was at the end of the show, a little six-year-old and her sister (who were seated in front of us with their little brother) tapped me on the arm and said, "You have the cutest little girl in the world." And I said, "Well you two are the cutest six and seven-year-olds in the world." They curled their shoulders, coyly smiled and then I told them Lily's name. The six-year-old said, "Oh, my favorite name!" How lucky are those parents to have such sweet and polite little girls? Loved that interaction with them.

Honestly? I may be exaggerating just a tinge, but this was the best money I've ever spent. We may have just become Gabba! groupies. Get me their tour dates!

If you want to be entertained for a good two hours, GO! We loved it.

Photo 1: Waiting for the show to start. Photo 2: She wouldn't take her eyes off the stage. I had to turn her head toward the camera. Photo 3: Nope, not taking her eyes off the stage for one second.

Still not budging.

Gabba! girlfriends and their little mates.
Worst part... they're more beautiful on the inside than
they are on the outside. Disgusting, eh?

Leslie Hall.

The reason I went to Gabba. I love her. If only I could be that funny.

Have you seen her in this? Or this?

(At least I know my bro-in-law, Dale, will totally watch these.)

Don't you love her fannypack side flairs? Also, her colonel-esgue, African-ish inspired shoulder board and tresses? Such class.

P.S. She is T.I.N.Y. now.

If only I got a better picture of her up close...

Oh wait, I did!

Look at Lily. She's like, "What the heck are you doing, mom?! Have some dignity?"

I told Leslie that I wanted to do something in the picture that came "naturally" to her. Okay, I said, "Let's do something funny." She was totally hip to teaching me her best pose. She said, "Now bring your chin down to your neck so that you can get a good double chin with me."

I need to work on my mouth and amp up the shadow, but not bad for my first try and under Lily-pressure.

If Lily could talk, she would say, "Worth. Every. Penny."

Best friends telling each other about their favorite parts in the show (We think).
They "gabbed" all the way home. Precious.

Goodnight Moon. Goodbye Sun.

2011-11-07T18:26:00.003-07:00

Lily Loves Books

Well, she loves to eat them. She loves to turn the pages and then gnaw on the corners like a little puppy dog. There is nothing endearing about it. In fact, it may put her in the dog house if she doesn't straighten up soon.

Martin and I try to sternly say, "No, Lily. No!" She just looks up and smiles and then turns right back down and begins chewing on the corners as if she didn't have a care in the world.

All of Lily's really nice books have been put on a high shelf and left for later... when she isn't so canine-y. It really drives me and Martin nuts because sometimes she gets a hold of our books and leaves her signature trademark. Chewed corners.

See the book that has the red inside sleeve in the photo above? Martin and I had her in the basement last night and we were working on her 72-hour kit (more on that later). We were so engrossed on what would keep her most warm in a time of catastrophe that we didn't noticed our own little catastrophe happening under our noses. Lily had pulled down a collector's book of poems right off the shelf. By the time we did notice, she had chewed the corner so badly that it probably dropped its value down to .22 cents. Little terremoto.

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Lil' Faith Goes Shopping

Did I mention that Lily used to love to sit in grocery carts? ...As long as you drove it like a race car driver.

Lily doesn't laugh spontaneously and when she does laugh, it takes some concentrated effort on the attempt-ee's part. Meaning, me and Martin. When she loved a good spin in her cart, I would take full advantage of the free belly laughs that came from her little baby body. I'd zip through Target taking corners at high shopping cart speeds while she would laugh and giggle so hard she'd lose her breath. It was so precious. And so, I'd keep doing it—even though I probably looked like I was a bit off-center.

Now, as far as shopping carts go, she doesn't like them so much anymore. "Been there, done that," she says. She pretty much hates shopping carts. Once we hit the 20 minute mark she is done and starts getting all fidgety. She proceeds to grunt letting me know of her disapproval for not recognizing that I have exceeded my time limit—like most kids. Yay! She is acting like most kids! Anyway, her moaning makes for frazzled shopping on my part because not only does she moan, but she becomes limp and falls over to either side of the cart. Her body becomes so limp that I have to hold her up in the cart if I am going to keep up these shenanigans. Once I came home with 3 cartons of eggs. Mind you, there are 2.5 members in our household. No need for 3 cartons of eggs.

Can you stand the cuteness?

However, this day Lily couldn't have been happier. I'm not sure why because we were at the store for a good hour and half (waiting on a prescription). I had to snap some photos because I couldn't stand the cuteness to be wasted on just the pharmacist. She had belly laughs and all. Ahhh. It was like old times.

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SUNSET

Could it be any prettier outside my front door right now?

I'm telling you, Utah is breathtaking this time of year.

P.S. Thank you all for your kind comments and emails on Lily's behalf. I have gotten so many emails and inbox emails from my Facebook that it has been hard to keep up even though I LOVE email and comments. Know that all your advice on Lily's behalf has not been overlooked. In fact, it has made me rethink a few things that could help improve Lily's daily life. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. Only because Lily and Martin have the majority of it. So, please, keep your comments coming. They are so appreciated. If you'd prefer to email me, I have posted my email in the right-hand, upper sidebar of my blog.

Peace.